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koates · Post by **koates** » Tue Oct 19, 2004 10:37 am

hi

i have been going through some really tough times lately. I have started to do harm to myself.....but not in a serious way. I dont cut as such i think my pain freshhold is too low. But when i get distressed or angry i scratch my legs until they bleed? Does that count as self harm? Its getting worse i have scabs all over my legs whcih also means i cant shave them.....please help i dont know what to do or how to cope. plus all hugs welcome....i dont have anyone i can hug now

kazeldya · Post by **kazeldya** » Tue Oct 19, 2004 4:13 pm

not sure what to say except ::big hug::

I hope you're ok.

mind letting us know what kind of stuff you're coping with so we can have an idea how to help?

koates · Post by **koates** » Tue Oct 19, 2004 4:28 pm

thanks for the hugs.....

well apart from being the type of person who always runs into problems...

i have been suffering with depression for a while now and find it hard to be nice to ppl. After a while of knowing someone something always happens to change things and they leave....sometime cos i have been nasty to them but i dont really know why.

This weekend my bf that i have been with for three years has decided that its over. He wants to stay friends and mayb pick it up again at a different time but right now he is getting close with another girl. I have told him that i can give him the space he needs but its really hurting me. I have told him that i wont contact him until he contacts me....but nothing so far. He was the one who i went to about everything so now im completely broken and lost. I dont know what to do i love him so much its tearing me apart.....any ideas?

Space_Man · Post by **Space_Man** » Tue Oct 19, 2004 4:46 pm

koates wrote:This weekend my bf that i have been with for three years has decided that its over. He wants to stay friends and mayb pick it up again at a different time but right now he is getting close with another girl...

Well, this certainly explains a significant portion of your current depression.

For what it’s worth: He wants you to stick around while he goes off with another girl, so that maybe you & he can “pick it up” again if things don’t work out for him? Um, no. IMO, you need to be ALL DONE with this guy….

koates · Post by **koates** » Tue Oct 19, 2004 4:49 pm

its not really like that.....ive pushed him away so much that he needs release himself

i dont expect ppl to understand im a complicated person

Space_Man · Post by **Space_Man** » Tue Oct 19, 2004 4:54 pm

Koates: O.K., then; I will back-down in my criticism of him (for the moment, at least). How do you believe you “pushed him away” in the first place?

koates · Post by **koates** » Tue Oct 19, 2004 4:58 pm

i dont really know to be fair.....with my mood being so unstable ive messed him around a lot and used him as an emotional punch bag....and he has always been there for me but after three years i can understand why he needs to get away. I seem to hurt ppl naturally and i hate it.

Space_Man · Post by **Space_Man** » Tue Oct 19, 2004 5:00 pm

Well, you probably do it as a way to insulate yourself—picture yourself as a porcupine. Maybe now is a good time in your life to do some introspection/soul-searching… Thought about therapy at all?

koates · Post by **koates** » Tue Oct 19, 2004 5:03 pm

yeah several times but that means being brave and im not sure i can....plus i have a huge problem with talking....i get upset easily and then i cant physically talk I literally cant make a noise....so i dont know how much it can help.

kazeldya · Post by **kazeldya** » Tue Oct 19, 2004 5:12 pm

It's good that you can still love him even though he's ready to move on... maybe think about other things you love to do too.. crafts, work, reading? I'm sorry you feel that you've hurt him. Maybe consider how you've hurt him and send him an apology e-mail or something... maybe say something like thanks for being a good friend and you're sorry for hurting him and that you'll miss him but accept that he needs to move on... then think about what you did that hurts him and how you can avoid that. ::big hug::

Space_Man · Post by **Space_Man** » Tue Oct 19, 2004 5:56 pm

koates wrote:...i have a huge problem with talking....i get upset easily and then i cant physically talk I literally cant make a noise....so i dont know how much it can help.

I worry that you are making excuses. There are alternatives to traditional “talk-therapy” you know (off the top of my head: art therapy, journaling—and then letting your therapist read what you’ve written…).

Although you are just starting out, you are “talking” to us just fine, you know…

koates · Post by **koates** » Tue Oct 19, 2004 6:49 pm

kazeldya: Thanks again for the hugs.....yeah we have had a big talk about how i feel and he knows how deeply sorry i am....im just hurting at the moment....and hoping that it will work out eventually.

if its meant to be it will happen....and he has promised me he will make contact when he feels he is strong enough to do so i just hope its not too late for us. The worst thing i can do now is contact him...if i do that i will lose him forever....but i dont have anyone else so mayb thats why im struggling so much. Is no news really good news tho???

bus

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