One Messed Up Night

tools to help you assess your urges before you give in to them, and to help you understand and learn from slips after they happen. by posting here, you're saying that you are serious about exploring the feelings behind your self-harm in depth, whether you're ready to stop hurting yourself or not. to request posting access, click usergroups above and join before and after.

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Lyndsie
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One Messed Up Night

Post by Lyndsie » Wed Sep 29, 2004 9:16 pm

I'm not going to anserw the questions in this post. Cause i don't think that they would be very helpful.

I just really need to figure out why i got so triggered last night.

So I started cutting because of "October". Their alot that is going to happen in one of the weeks during October. It's alot to deal with especially if it all happens in a weeks amount of time.

So i went to sleep on my floor. I had my radio on. I ended up getting upset at one point and cutting because I missed Danielle, and i know she's getting out of jail in 18 days.

So then at like 2:15 in the morning a song triggered me and i started cutting again.

So I get up and drink 5 cups of coffee.
So next thing I'm trying to peirce my eye brow and i screwed it up and had tot ake it out. So I was shaking and started cutting once again.

So I cut alot last night. I'm not really sure what set me off. I just needed to go through it and see what happend. I'm not sure if i could have changed anything cause what i'm going through is so much sometimes that i can;t sven think. So it would have been hard for me tot hink of another coping skill.

I'm glad we have this forum cause it really helps! :)

~lyndsie

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Tiarin
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Post by Tiarin » Thu Sep 30, 2004 8:47 am

sounds like a tough night.

i've noticed that you've been sounding overwhelmed by a lot of different things in your life, which must be a pretty hard situation. just a thought—sometimes i think when lots of stuff is building up like that, even if it seems like just working through one of the specific things that's bothering you might not make a difference, it can actually reduce the overall pressure to a tolerable level again. i know have a bad habit sometimes of simply saying "everything is wrong," instead of looking concretely at what situation is bothering me the most at the moment and trying to address that.

i'm wondering whether you saw any connections between the different times that you self- injured (were they triggered by similar feelings? did doing it once make it easier to do it again?), or whether they were all about different stuff.

take care of yourself.

dragonfly
(formerly dragonfly)

"I want to love this world as though it's the last chance I'm ever going to get to be alive and know it." (Mary Oliver)

Lyndsie
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Post by Lyndsie » Thu Sep 30, 2004 9:07 pm

I'm pretty sure they were all related to the same thingS. I've tried to talk about all thats going on, but it doesn't seem to help. I think all I can do now is hang on. And wait until it is over. All I have to do is wait for thge time to come and pass. I'm pretty sure after that I'll be able to go over and what ever happend and figure out why it happend. I was talking about this today with my therapist at school. Thnaks for the reply. I think I'll just have to find a way to make it through the next few weeks and then it might be ok.

~Lyndsie

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