After 6 months I slipped

[Chessie]

1. have you taken care of your physiacl wounds? if not, go do that now. we'll wait.

All my wounds are clean and well taken care of.

2. what had happened just before?

I was home with my care taker. I sat down and tried to talk to her about the urges, but she paid no attention to me or what I was saying, so I went to take a shower and when I saw my razor, I cut

3. what were you thinking and feeling?

I was hurt because my care taker wouldn't listen (she's been fired for this) when I talked about the urges. I was also rather angry at her. I also wanted.

4. why did you end up hurting yourself then instead of some other time? was there an event that was teh final straw? what was it?

Because I felt really lost and alone right then. It was the old strong feeling of betrayal and hurt that I don't know how to cope with and so I gave in. The final straw was my care taker blowing me off. That was the last thing I needed.

5. how did the situation get to the final straw stage? trace it back through the events thatled up to the last event. look for some point at which you could have made a different decisiona nd not arrived at the final straw.

We simply hired an unqualified person as a care taker because we were desperate when we lost my old care taker to her getting a full time job w/ benefits. We're looking for a care taker trained in the mental health field again.

6. were there outside factors like drugs, alsohol, being off your meds, lack of sleep, etc? can you address those in the future? how?

My sleep isn't very restful right now and I'm suffering with major fatigue. The problem is being diagnosed...my doctor thinks it's auto-immune.

7. what other ways of coping did you try besides self-harm? how well did they work?

I tried talking, and considering that I got blown off, that didn't go well.

8. in retrospect, are there coping methods that you now realize might have helped? what were they?

Calling my pdoc on her home number would have been best. I could have also stayed in the same room as my care taker just to keep myself safe instead of storming out of the room.

9. name at least two things you will do to help yourself remember those coping methods if you end up in this situation again.

I will write down my pdocs number and put it by the phone
I will practice sitting in the same room with my mother so I start to feel more comfortable with that skill.


10. how do you feel about the situation that led to self-harm now? is it resolved? if not, what are some steps you might take toward resolution?

It's being resolved. I want to talk to my pdoc and I think I should put in a call to her because my next appointment is tuesday and thats a ways off.

11. are you likely to be in that emotional place again? how will you recognize it when you're in that situation?

Yes, I am likely. I will recognize it by feeling alone, hurt, and depressed - and when issue around feelings come up in therapy.

12. what will you try before you resort to self-harm if you're in that situation again? list three specific things you will commit to trying.

a. I'll try sitting in the same room as someone
b. I'll try calling Daniela (pdoc)
c. I'll try one of my distraction exercises from therapy.


-Chessie

[Sad Poetess]

i think it's fantastic that you were able to answer those questions with such insight and honesty. by the sounds of things, you're pretty in touch with what sets you off and how you can deal with that. it's great that you can ring your pdoc out of hours( jealous glare!) and you now have some plans in place to try to stop it progressing as far as it did. all i can say is well done for being open enough and for searching as hard as you did for the answers. best of luck...