Things Left Unsaid *LA*

nirvana · Post by **nirvana** » Thu Sep 09, 2004 3:30 am

i'm fucking tired of listening to both of you bitch. i mediate all your damn conversations, try and help you both. and it's most awkward thing ever. me, the fuck buddy, helping fix things between bill and ex lover/fuck buddy. what the hell?? why do i bother? i'm gonna slip sometimes, and truth is i don't give a rat's ass what happens with you guys. she's my friend, you're my friend. this is not fair for me to be here, and i'm tired of it. fuck both of you. oh right, already did that to you bill.

Firinn Annam · Post by **Firinn Annam** » Thu Sep 09, 2004 10:39 am

i never used to care who or what went into my body, but now i am trying to recover. I am trying to care what happens to my body and me. If you give me time things will be back as they were. Right now i ant be with you, but it doesnt mean i dont want you in my life.

Please, please dont leave me

why did you start drinking again.? you selfish fuck... you pass on your addictions and dont leave any emotion for us to try and heal... Just because you dont hit us anymore doesnt mean you dont hurt us...

pretty · Post by **pretty** » Fri Sep 10, 2004 12:14 pm

when you say things to me like you did last night, it really hurts. i know you don't mean to, but you are so insensitive and inconsiderate and it hurts me so much. all these years of listening to it mean that when you do it now, it breaks me. i know you don't mean to, but it hurts so much. i know you don't mean to hurt me, but the way it comes out of your mouth is the way you think it, and that hurts so much. you make me feel so small and pathetic and useless. you make me feel like i have to hurt myself to prove that i'm seperate and independant from you. to prove that you can't get to me, to prove that i'm free from you, to prove that i don't belong to you. i thought i was free from you and your shit, but it appears i'm not.

kurdt_kobain · Post by **kurdt_kobain** » Sat Sep 11, 2004 3:25 pm

Oh my god. I cut myself, alright, and I'm terrified something is gonna happen tonight and I won't have my blades. I need something. I'm scared now. I dunno why. I'm just scared.

BTW, I have your homecoming ticket. We raided your wallet.

nirvana · Post by **nirvana** » Tue Sep 14, 2004 2:50 am

and it's so wrong. all of it. i can't even list all the people that would hate one or both of us for it. but that's why i love it. mess with me, i'm telling you to. i'm letting you fuck me up, because it's perfect. and i need it. "if we sleep together, will you like me better?" and i hate you for doing this, hate myself even more for letting you, and for agreeing to it.[/i]

nirvana · Post by **nirvana** » Wed Sep 15, 2004 2:23 am

i can't listen to you bitch. not all of you at once. i know they're serious problems bothering you, but they can't bother me right now, and i can't help you. i'm sitting here crying, and breaking, and it's funny how not a single one of you knows. also sortof sad.

you just said "i'm sorry. i don't know what to say. except get a hold of yourself. you're stronger than this." you're one of the reasons i'm doing it fucker. god dammit, i don't know what to do.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Sep 15, 2004 4:08 pm

will you please just listen to me and what i'm feeling and what's wrong and not think i'm a fucking loony bitch. will you please just see i'm not ok.

tabzy · Post by **tabzy** » Wed Sep 15, 2004 8:34 pm

al ma gurl"frends"- fukin shutup! i kno u all hav fukin boyfrends n i dnt giv a shit! y do u hav 2 keep rubbin it in ma face! i fukin kno u lot are bloody mofukin 10 times prettier den me coz i look like a fuking dog n take up bloody double da space of all of u's but dat dnt mean u can fukin rub it in ma face dat i cnt pull a guy!fuking SHUTUP!

M n A- u idiots! couldnt u fukin see i was literally w8in 4 one of u 2 help me! fine yeh M u stood dr 4 like 2 seconds n den jus went off, n A u dog u didnt evn stop to ask how i was doin! i fukin h8 u both, ur such good frends of myn but i wish dat jus one of u wud mayb look at me as more dan dat! u idiots!

A(1) - aaaaa baby i luvd u so much y did u fukin mess wid my heart? i tel evry1 ive fukin moved on, n i fink i hav, but da fact dat u jus pretend 2 lyk me, i cnt belev u wud do dat 2 me, i fukin loved u wid al my heart, n u jus played me, u neva EVA loved me, i thot id finally got a boyfrend, n a gorjus one aswel, but no u fukin messd me, A man i luv u so much, u jus so god dam cute n u kno i luv u so y wont u actully give me a serious chance? is it coz u kno im gna obsess over u neway?!well fuk u u wanka, u fukin dog, u ruined my life and at da worst possible point as wel, fuking GET OUT OF MY LIFE!!!!!

woooo...really needed 2 get dat out..

Dungeon_Lilly · Post by **Dungeon_Lilly** » Wed Sep 15, 2004 10:45 pm

I hate you, do you realize or care how much you hurt me? I hate you so fucking much

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Sep 17, 2004 10:52 am

So.
I'm not sure how to do this.
I haven't talked to 'you' because in some ways, there is no 'you'. You're not a person, you don't have a name, you don't exist.
Which, I guess is what this is about. You would be existing and eventually there would be a you, with a name and a personality and an identity, if I'd chosen differently.
I'm not here to say sorry, because I'm not sorry. I'm not here to wish that I'd made the other choice, because I don't. I'm not sure why I'm here, but I feel the need to speak to 'you', I've been told I should never bury that need, and I'm willing to try.
I wish things could have been different. I wish 'you' had happened a year later, because then we would have wanted 'you' and been ready for 'you' so much.
I wish I had looked at the scan. Most people don't want to, most people are glad that they didn't, but I do. I wish I had seen 'you'. Said goodbye, maybe. Or maybe seen that at that stage, 'you' weren't even close to being a 'you' at all. That might have been easier. If I had seen for myself, I would not sit here and picture you as a very miniature me. I would picture 'you' as exactly what 'you' were.
I don't want to dream, like I have been doing, about what 'you' could have become. Because those dreams are cruel. Even if I had made the other choice, 'you' wouldn't have been that, because I was not and am not ready or able to make that situation yet.
One day, hopefully not too far off, I will be ready, and Michal will be, and we will get it right. We don't want a replacement 'you'. It sounds harsh to say there's nothing to replace, but it's true. I know I will remember 'you' when that time comes.
Really, what's important to say is this. None of this was easy for me or for Michal. We did the best we could. If we had let there be a 'you', I don't think we could have given 'you' everything 'you' would have needed. There will be a time for 'you', I believe that- it's just not now.

Spottykins · Post by **Spottykins** » Fri Sep 17, 2004 3:33 pm

Mum: you can't get me sectioned for cutting myself- on no record am i mentally or clinically depressed. please dont think if u threaten me with that im gunna stop.

Dad: its not yours, or mums fault. its all me. i love you stop blaiming yourself.

doctor wanker (or what ever the fuck ur name is) when i come to u asking for fucking help, i dont expect to be partonised. coming to you was a REALLY FUCKING BIG DEAL for me, i dont expect to be patted on the head and given a lolly, and told that it will all go away sooner or later u emotionless moron.

ducker: i know u dont know what to do, and i know u dont know how you can help. but you have to understand just u being there is all the help i want from u. i dont have the answers so i dont expect you to, please dont run away from me!

alex: i love you and loosing you has been so hard. i know i can still talk to u but ur so far away now i cant see ou when i want. its killing me your gone please dont forget me.

V: have some fucking respect for ur self or u will end up like me

Twizz: what kinda sick freak mucks around with a 15 year old girl when they are supposedly asleep. 2 years have past now and the meer suggestion of ur name makes me feel sick. you are a horrible twisted invidual

tav: thanks for trying to help even though ur dealing with your own shit. every step i made, iv made with you

jaded melody · Post by **jaded melody** » Fri Sep 17, 2004 11:47 pm

Alice: I love you. I know i never knew you that well. But nobody deserved to die as young as you... I hope you found your light. I love you and miss you.

Hannah: I love you also. I cant believe all the shit youve been through. Youve put me through some shit too. like at allys, and the paddingtons. that really hurt, and i hated you. bitch. but i love you. Because you dont mean it- you need more love and support than you let on.

Matt: LET ME IN!!! why wont you let me see what you're feeling? Why?! Why do you let hannah in and not me? why do you go around with her and not me? Why do you HURT me and not care about me just because you loved her? She broke your heart... i was there.. why arent you here for me?

Jack: I will never understand why you did what you did. I will never be able to comprehend how or why you did what you did. Its unbearable. How could you DO that to your SISTER?! TO ALICE! To owen? To Hannah? But, i forgive you. Because we still love you. Keep believing. you can come through this.

M xxx

kurdt_kobain · Post by **kurdt_kobain** » Sat Sep 18, 2004 1:45 am

STOP FUCKING FLIRTING WITH PEOPLE BEHIND MY BACK. If I hear that you asked another of my friends for a blowjob, regardless of if you thought they'd give it to you, I'm going to be very pissed off.

I don't care if you jack around with them when I'm around. Do not do anything behind my back, though, ever again. Fucker.

nirvana · Post by **nirvana** » Mon Sep 20, 2004 2:46 am

L - have you not seen me online for the past hour? you've been on longer than me. and i know you're there, cause you're talking to B. why B and not me? you guys don't know each other. and havn't you thought of calling me for the past eight days? thank you for being such a great best friend. won't bother talking to you, i want to see how long before you realize i'm still here. if you even care.

anybody - i hope i deserve to be loved, to not be left here alone.

theatregeek · Post by **theatregeek** » Mon Sep 20, 2004 2:47 am

blah i hate you

Twilit_Star · Post by **Twilit_Star** » Mon Sep 20, 2004 3:28 am

j- i'm so sorry. it was a slip i promise. just a slip

nirvana · Post by **nirvana** » Mon Sep 20, 2004 3:31 am

nobody cares. nobody's here listening, no one cares what i do. you know i could cut so much, and no one would have a clue? i could od on anything. i want to so badly. i don't want to fight this again, i'm so tired of doing it.

nirvana · Post by **nirvana** » Tue Sep 21, 2004 1:17 am

bill - yes you're in ap. you're smarter than me. and get better grades, and all that good stuff. but how come i've been working nonstop for the past fourty-eight hours and you havn't? how is that fair? and i may not come over this weekend, just to see what happens. i'm not that worthless, or that bad a slut. even though i am one, like it says right on my him, right where i cut it last night. think before you say all this stuff. don't think you're so much better than me and treat me like shit. because it hurts.

simon - i know you mean well but you're getting annoying.

dad - get off my back, i just worked three and a half hours on history. i deserve a break. and clean up after yourself, you pig. mom's not here now i have to do it for you.

everyone - stop with the drama. i'm so fucking sick of it. i hate every one of you, i really do. you can be amazing, but stop exaggerating things it pisses me off so much.

and i hate everything right now, i'm sorry.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Sep 21, 2004 10:52 am

stop talking to me. actually it would be best if you didn't look at m either. i don't want to know that any of you exist. you're making me sick. fuck off.

nirvana · Post by **nirvana** » Wed Sep 22, 2004 2:04 am

bill i'm going to tell you everything. well not everything, just the stuff that you need to know. and if i don't do it now, i never will. i couldn't even write it in a letter, so i'll just say it.

tara you can and will do this. be honest, it's okay if it hurts.

bus

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