Sometimes I just want to break the world...

[Chimera]

1. how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself? I'd release the rage and humiliation I feel without outwardly exploding. I'd be punishing myself for failing and being humiliated. The situation would be worse in the end. My husband has threatened to have me committed if I hurt myself in any way. I'd be proving them right about how unfit and fucked up and incapable I am to function in my daily life.


2. what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation? I would feel some measure of control. I would vent my rage and self-hatred on myself, rather than on people who don't deserve it. It would lessen me in everyone's eyes. It would further humiliate me. It would anger and disappoint my husband.


3. how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way? I want to be able to learn and/or grow from this...or tolerate it, at the very least. Hurting myself would make this much harder to get through.


4. if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then? I haven't hurt myself in so long that I really don't know how long the relief would last. If it didn't last, I'd probably only want to hurt myself more, or more severely.


5. what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then? I'm answering these questions, I could write in my Place. Hopefully it will calm me down and lessen the images and urges of SI that I've been having for most of the night. I don't know if it'll last, much less for how long. I don't know what I'll do if it stops helping. Maybe take an Ambien and try to sleep, hoping I'll feel better tomorrow? I don't know. I haven't had urges this bad in a while.



6. how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with? I'd hate myself even more (if that's even possible). I hope doing this will help me feel better tomorrow.


7. what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?I want to cry, and cry, and cry. Scream. Break something. I'm trying to vent without being self-destructive, but it's damn hard tonight.

Sometimes I just want to break the world.

Jessica

[limestone]

hi there,

1. how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself? I'd release the rage and humiliation I feel without outwardly exploding. I'd be punishing myself for failing and being humiliated.

when you think of the word 'anger', what do you immediately think of? What would happen if you did express how you felt whilst still feeling in control? If you'd like to do that, what would you say and who would you say it to?

Why do you consider yourself to have failed? Feeling humiliated is perhaps one of the worst feeling there is. How could lessen this feeling or take some action (positive, ) to avoid it happening or to express how you feel to whoever or what has led to this feeling?

3. how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way? I want to be able to learn and/or grow from this...or tolerate it, at the very least. Hurting myself would make this much harder to get through.

have there been other times when you've got through hard times without si?

7. what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?I want to cry, and cry, and cry. Scream. Break something. I'm trying to vent without being self-destructive, but it's damn hard tonight.

Sometimes I just want to break the world.

Jessica

did you get to cry? if you could break the world what would it feel/look like afterwards? how can you get closer to that feeling without si?