Guess it's time to look at it

[strmdncr]

how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
The situation won't, the feeling will change b/c I will feel a little bit in control of something that's going on with me right now rather than feeling like I'm at the whim of everyone else.


what will hurting myself bring to the situation?
Well..I'll have to tell my T, b/c that's a deal I made with myself which will bring frustration and annoyance to the situation.

what will it take away from the situation?
It will take away some of the feelings b/c I am focusing on outside things, not inside.



how do i want to feel about this in the long run?
I want to feel like I believe what happened isn't about me, that it really is the other persons fault.

is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
Don't really know, neither I suspect, but it will at least be something I've controlled.


if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last?
Long enough for me to go to bed and fall asleep.

what will i do then?
Wake up in the morning and start over, hopefully better able to look at it with some sleep and a days distance away from it.

what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself?
Sleep, bubble bath, already ate half the container of cake icing

how will it change the situation i'm in?
The cake icing doesn't change anything but it's a comfort thing
Bubble bath would probably just make me feel more angry b/c quiet time to be able to reflect on the situation.
Sleep would be chance to restore and regroup my senses internally, figure out what I really want rather than just reacting.

how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
Don't know


how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself?
I guess a bit frustrated at starting over again, beyond that still feel the hurt and anger I believe.

how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
Pretty much the same without the added frustration of having hurt myself.


what do i really want to do right now?
Cry, scream, throw things and break things and basically have a temper tantrum

how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
Not a clue...not sure I even know what this question means.

[swanfaerie]

sorry, i just read this. i'm a little late.

just wondering how you're doing today.