(Emily)

[Lyndsie]

I cut because Emily hurt me. I felt so alone, then i had ever felt in my life and i could see through the pain to ny other options. If I hadn't felt so alone, i would have called a friend. Thats impossible cause I'm all alone, but if it wasn't i would have. I could have written but then it would annoy me cause it would turn to Emily and then I'd just feel alone and suffer again. I could have lissen to music but the music I lissen to when i', like this is the CD Emily made for me. I could have exercised but that would have led to my eating disorder, and that would have led to Emily cause she was suppose to help me if i could get it under control this summer. For some reason I just couldn't cope. The reason I couldn;t cope was because their was no Emily and every coping skill I have is because emily helped me find them!

~Thanks for reading!~

[swanfaerie]

ok. from what i've read of your post, emily is important to you.
and whatever happened, you were hurt by the interaction.

yet i wonder why the post is titled emily, and you say you're not gonna write cuz it would turn to emily, yet the whole post was emily, which brings me back to my first comment emily is important to you.

but (please don't think i'm trying to be mean, that's the last thign i want to be), what was your part in the interaction? did you tell emily that you were hurt by what happened? i ask that, cuz would talking about the hurt have prevented the si?

you also said there's no emily....i'm confused. i hear a lot of pain in your post, and a lot of confusion. i'm trying to figure out what's going on yet i dont' know if that's important or not.

i know when i feel i've been hurt i rant and rave (either verbally or writing it out or online somewhere). i'm glad you've come here now to post. would "ranting" before hand have helped?

and if emily helped you find coping skills, was there a reason you couldn't use them? was it cuz you were hurt and therefore chose not to use something found for you by emily?

sorry, not sure how much sense my post made.

i wanted to respond cuz i know when i've posted here and no one responds, i feel that much more alone. and i heard loud and clear that you feel alone.

take care of you.

[Lyndsie]

Emily was my therapist at school. I got a letter saying she wouldn't be working a the school this year.

She is/was very important to me.

I can't really tell her about the hurt i feel because of her. Though i did deal with it by sending her a letter of why I was hurt yesterday. When i cut, i could think fo thay, all i could think of is thattheir was no Emily,a dn their be some no person id didn't need or want.

The reason none of my coping skills worked is cause Emily helped me find them. I try to use them, then they all relate back to Emily and it makes me want to cut even more. iw anted to use them, i jsut couldn't cause of what i just said.

The only reason i title it emily was because Emily was the reason i cut, cause of the hurt she caused me. Also i've just been writing alot about Emily, lately.

Thanks, I know the feeling when no one replies to your post. I think more the point of here is so you can figure out why you cut. Cause if not, i could have just posted it on main.

~lyndsie

[swanfaerie]

i'm sorry you lost your therapist. i know that possibility would scare me to death.

(and breaking in a new one is a real pain.)

so are you hurt cuz she didn't come back to your school? i'm guess thiat's it, and pardon me once again if i come across wrong, but are you thinking that this was personal? cuz i'm sure there were a lot of reasons for not going back to your school and i'm sure that none of them had to do with you.

swan

[Lyndsie]

Your right it does hurt that she didnt come back to my school. I do kind of take it personal, even though she said in the letter that it was no ones fault that she did some soul dearching and came to this on her own. I do believe no matter what she says that i am to blaim in some way. She said she could find the time for the hours her job a the school demanded. Their where many times when she went way over for me. I love what she did for me and am glad she was able to do it, to support me, Now i jsut believe that no matter what she says it is my fault in some way,a nd i do believe this is very true because i know all the times she went and did things for me when she didnt have to.

[Jomomma]

When people do something extra for someone it is because they CHOOSE to not because they have to
She cared enough for you to go the extra mile.
That was her choice and I am suer she doesn't regret ever doing it
Now you have to take some of her example and choose to do for you what she was trying to do for you
She is not there but I'm sure you learned alot form her
Can you use some of her lessons in your daily life?
By doing this you will always have her with you in a sense as well as showing the ultimate respect for someone you cared so much for

Jo

[Lyndsie]

That was really hit me. It made me cry for a minute. I think your right.
Emily came to a metting for me today, so i know she still cares. Thanks that really helped me see this for a different veiw, at least for a minute or so.