Progression of SI... where does it stop?

[soulstory]

Hi. I'm new here, but it seems like there are a lot of very supportive people on the board. I have been hurting myself since I was a child. The part that scares me the most is my progression of methods. (I will not mention anything specific because I don't want to trigger anyone)

I started with fairly harmless (medically speaking) methods and have, over the years, graduated to more and more dangerous (medically speaking) methods. It is similar to any other type of addiction for me I think in that I develop a tolerance for one method and it stops working and so I move to another (usually more severe) method. My most recent method put me at extremely high risk for infection, nerve damage, and even death (even though death was never my goal).

Now, even that does not work and my urges are geared towards something that is extremely dangerous and highly life-threatening. Since I do not want to die, this scares me and I wonder where it will stop. I don't think I'll ever be someone who is content with one method because it seems I have always grown bored after a while and had to move on.

When I first began the SI, I had no scars and really thought it was not a serious problem. Now, I have major scars, nerve damage, and other permanent consequences of my SI behavior. I see how serious and dangerous it has become for me.

My question is... have any of you experienced this progression of methods and been able to halt it? If so, maybe you could give me (and others) some tips on stopping this progression before it gets any further.

Thanks.
Catherine

[littlethings]

I have. My SI started to progress dramatically for a few months. I got scared. The only thing that worked was to start weaning myself. It's hard to say without getting graphic of course. I started forcing myself to stop a little before I wanted to. Just a little. I found that the relief was less, but it was still enough to get through the night. Then the next night and the next. So gradually I was able to work back down a little.

I still self-injure, but I have been successful in curbing most of the progression of my self-injury.

Edited to add: Welcome to BUS.

JoAnna

[Tamrick]

My SI progressed very rapidly until it nearly did result in death. I had a lot of therapy along the way which helped and I am not entirely sure how I stopped the progression... I had to decide to stop the SI altogether to stop the progression and even though I haven't been perfect it did get better.

The other thing I noticed was that I started to enjoy more "dangerous" activities than I had previously. I liked driving fast, and on a more safe note, going to theme parks where I could get a bit of an adrenalin rush. I think progression also has to do with needing some excitement - are there things you are afraid to do that would not be so dangerous as SI? Bungi jumping, cliff swinging etc where lthough its dangerous it is more controlled?

Other than that - try some of the coping methods on these boards.
Good luck and take care.

[green chameleon]

my SI started to progress dramatically in the last few months and thankfully I found BUS. Being able to talk about my feelings and get feedback onbUS has been the most helpful to me.

Right now, knowing I'm going to the beach to see my family is holding me in check but each day is a struggle.

I have to learn to write/talk about my feelings instead of taking them out on my body. Do you have a therapist?

[soulstory]

Thanks for the welcomes and the helpful advice. To answer your question (Chameleon) no, I don't have a therapist. I have been to many different therapists over the years and got tired of the many problems I've had with them. Finally, I couldn't take it anymore and got to the point where I have no trust for therapists and no desire to let one get to know me in any way.

Sometimes my friends still nag me about getting back into therapy because ideally, I know I would benefit. But I can't benefit if I don't trust. And most people have no understanding of the problems that can happen with the MANY bad therapists out there among a few great ones. I just don't have what it takes to keep looking for the needle in the haystack.

But I still want to stop SI'ing. One of the moderators had pictures of 60 and 100-day chips on the signature... where can I join a chip program? I haven't SI'd in 6 months (major for me!!!!) The last few months have been SOOOOOOO difficult to get through without SI. But maybe if I was involved in an organized program, it would help.

Catherine

[green chameleon]

To get in the chip program go to the admin and tech support part and check out the bus faq. There's info on it there.

I totally know what you mean about bad therapists. I wish there was an online guide where people could rate their therapist so you would know who to avoid and who to try.

I haven't been with my current t that long, couple of months, but she's the first one I even kind of trust. I'm about to go see her now so keep your fingers crossed for me. Pdocs can be very tricky too. And the worst part is, for me anyway, when you're feeling the lowest and least motivated is when you're supposed to find the energy to search for someone to help you.

I hope being on bus helps you, it's helped me a lot. Feel free to PM me anytime you want to talk. I'm pretty open to talking about anything except music, which is very triggery for me, long story.

Take care and stay safe.

[green chameleon]

PS congrats on your 6 months SI free!!!! That''s great.

[Bathelina]

Have you considered asking a doctor to refer you to somebody that could help you? This sounds very serious. I've never done the same thing as you before but I can understand how you must feel... I really think it's time to stop, instead of getting worse.

Good luck!
From Hannah :):):):)

[soulstory]

Yes... my pdoc knows about the severity of my SI and about the urges. Right now, I haven't SI'd in 7 months and am just taking it a day at a time. Thanks for your feedback