Well okay then... using this board

[Licentia Poetica]

Hmmm well I was browsing around the new 'before and after' board and well... in no way am I trying to stop SI'ing at this point, so I kind of feel a little out of place there. But plantt suggested on main to use some boards other than main, so here I am.

The 'before and after' board is for dealing with SI urges. Well what about dealing with and recognising emotions and/or behaviours?

Reading Fyllie's latest post on acting in relationships, or my constant feelings about therapy and life not being 'real' because it's only a played out reality of my thoughts... well could we perhaps come up with some situtions where a person feels something that's confusing to cope with and think of some questions to challenge their thinking?

(this is just an idea - thoughts?)

[plantt]

sounds good... post away & maybe others will come up with questions... i can't think of a situation atm

[Proximity]

I have a kind of feelings thing, and I guess here is as good as anywhere else, it certianly wasn't an urge or a slip, so it wouldn't go on before or after ...

anyhow.
there are some times when I don't feel like being touched by anyone, I usually either 1.)dont' communicate this at all and just suffer through it, or 2.)communicate it immediately, and hurt that person's feelings.

I've hurt my dad's feelings several times because he has put an arm around me and I haven't reacted well.
I don't freak out or anything, but I might pull away, or remove his arm, and I might say something like "I don't feel like being touched right now."

So I'm going to adapt some of the questions from the before and after board to this situation:

how will this situation or feeling change if i [act this way] myself?
If I pull away either physically or verbally, I might hurt the person who touched me. Because their touch was made out of love and care and possibly even concern for me.
I will feel more comfortable physically because they won't be touching me anymore, but I will be unhappy because I have hurt their feelings, and this will lead to me trying to over-compensate which they will notice, and be annoyed.
If I don't act at all, the situation WON'T change, and will feel intensely physically uncomfortable. The person wouldn't know that I was bothered, so they would do it again, perhaps, and the whole thing would start over. Alternately , they will sense my discomfort and be hurt, or think it is about them in particular.

what will [acting this way] bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
basically answered above.

how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is [acting this way] likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
Ideally, I would like to not ever feel discomfort when touched.
If this isn't possible, I would like people to just know when not to touch me.
Pulling away physically or verbally will end the discomfort, but it will make me feel guilty. Theoretically, I could learn how to not be upset by this touch, but as it's unpredictable and doesnt' seem to be based in anything, I don't think I have much choice over it. Letting the person know that I don't want to be thouched might stop them from touching me in the future, but it will mean that tehy will stop touching me EVER, and I dont' want that. So that might sort of fix the problem, sort of.
Not doing anything doesn't improve the situation.

I'm skipping the rest because I think it will just result in a lot of repetition ..

but my new idea is that I will let the touch stay for a brief time before gently disengagign myself, then I will wait an appropriate lenght of time, and say why I don't feel like being touched right now.

so this might be completely un-realted, but that's what I was thinking aobut when I read this post.

prox.
[jayhawks]

[Licentia Poetica]

That's exactly what I meant.

You asked yourself very good questions by the way.

I have a few to add:

Do you think it's a normal feeling to not want to be touched sometimes? (might I add that I feel like this quite a lot too)

If yes, where to the feelings of guilt stem from?

Could you compromise in the situations you find yourself in and analyse exaclty how much you *dont* want to be touched just then and see if it's worth making a comment, or just leaving it?

Could you come up with a simple sentence to say to everyone in the situation that makes it clear that you aren't comfortable at the moment, but leaves it open for other times?

Do you think that the people you know best will eventually understand what you feel sometimes, and will learn not to be bothered by it?

[plantt]

--do you know why you're bothered by it when you are?
--when you don't communicate & 'suffer' through it... what do you mean by 'suffer'? what do you do to help yourself deal with it... both the thoughts/feelings/urges at the time... & afterwards?
--do you think it's something that could be dealt with by exposure? eg. pick situations you find problematic at times & find ways to get similar touch repeatedly until it doesn't bother you?
--could you wait until you're not dealing with a 'touch' situation & explain to your dad that you *do* want him to continue to touch you... & also that at times you don't like to be touched?

my new idea is that I will let the touch stay for a brief time before gently disengagign myself, then I will wait an appropriate lenght of time, and say why I don't feel like being touched right now.

sounds like a good workable idea. how's it going?

[Proximity]

Do you think it's a normal feeling to not want to be touched sometimes? (might I add that I feel like this quite a lot too)

probably, I guess everyone wants space sometimes, I don't think it's as normal to feel it too strongly.

If yes, where to the feelings of guilt stem from?

because it's "bad" which I need to get over..?

Could you compromise in the situations you find yourself in and analyse exaclty how much you *dont* want to be touched just then and see if it's worth making a comment, or just leaving it?

good suggestion, I think I'm trying to do this.

Could you come up with a simple sentence to say to everyone in the situation that makes it clear that you aren't comfortable at the moment, but leaves it open for other times?

"I'd rather not be touched right now" .. that's what I sort of use now. I think it coudl use work.

Do you think that the people you know best will eventually understand what you feel sometimes, and will learn not to be bothered by it?

I think so. I hope so. My parents can't understand it, but my brother can, and some of my friends can/do so I think that it can be understood.

thanks.

I didn't see this before just now.

prox.
[more cheerful?]