triggers

[kazeldya]

I posted this in the "bodies under siege" forum over a week ago... now I want to see other ideas for coping with triggers like this... I've SIed twice since then, which is a lot for me recently (especially since I promiseda friend I'd call him before I did it).

Here's a post I wrote before the last time I SIed: http://busmail.org/phpBB/viewtopic.php? ... ght=hidden - this event really bothered me, and thinking/writing about it and coping with my feelings partly led me to SI...

>>>I posted this in "last time i wanted to si, i didn't because......." and decided to give it its own topic...

my SI scar is in a place where I see it pretty much only when I go to the bathroom or shower... that and the fact that I feel kind of triggered already due to reading/writing about depression and suicide triggers me more... I want to but I don't... I haven't in just a week and that was triggered in part by seeing my scar too and before that I hadn't since May... I really don't want to but I think I will sort of want to once I'm in the bathroom and sitting down and not that far from my razor (which is within reach of the toilet)... and even if I hide the razor, I can use my fingernails like I did last time... last time I didn't because I gave myself permission if I still wanted to in 24 hours, and then I did... I could do that now, but I partly think I will on impulse... I hope not... being in the bathroom with the door closed is a time i'm alone and guaranteed to be alone, or pretty much so... damn it. i should just go to bed.

because i left the door to the bathroom cracked and the cats opened it halfway and because there were two people in the apt sleeping and one awake (who happens to be one of only 3 people who know i SI... she was on the phone with another) and because i'd just posted on here about how i wanted to and also didn't want to. she's gone now, so the only people left here are asleep, which makes it harder, and I haven't gone to bed yet... he did invite me over to play video games and spend the night, but i happen to know that her birthday present for him includes wake up sex before she goes to work in the morning, and i really don't need to be there, even i can't hear it, because i know i'd think about it... and i doubt they'd want me there... though i probably should have. but now i should just take off my contacts, go to bed, and nothing else... contacts off. done. bedtime.

I wrote this last night. I didn't. I went to bed and got up and am okay right now. But I don't know what to do next time I sort of wanna SI and am triggered by seeing my scars like that.
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[Lyndsie]

I don't know what to say!

I'm here for you if you need to talk! Feel free to PM me!

((((hugs))))if ok!

[kazeldya]

I don't know what to say!

I'm here for you if you need to talk! Feel free to PM me!

((((hugs))))if ok!

Yay for hugs!! Thanks!!