coping with consequences *si* *scars*

[butterflydust]

well... i don't know how to word this, or how to explain this, but i was in my swimsuit the other day, and of course i have to wear shorts with it, but even with shorts on i could still see many scars all over me, and i used to not be bothered by my scars, i used to even almost like them... and maybe this is just a healing step, but now i regret it, i regret all of it and i'm angry at myself for the consequences i have forced myself to deal with, for limited my clothing choice, for limiting my honesty.
i'm still SI-ing every once in a while, but i am beginning to realize the mistakes i've made, and how huge they really are.
this isn't making sense of course, it doesn't even make sense in my mind, but i guess i'm asking how do you cope with the realization that you screwed it all up, that you made a mistake?

[EllemyshShade]

Hey,

I'm dealing with the same thing with scars right now. It's hard for me to wrap my head around everything that I've done to myself...and it makes me very angry.

I think alot of healing from these feelings has to do with self acceptance. That can be really difficult, and I am struggling with it too. Even though you said that you're feeling upset about being able to see the consequences, I think that it is a remarkable step to make emotionally. Moving past these feelings is all about recognizing that "yes, I may have made a mistake," but finding acceptance and peace in your heart that will help you move past this. ...anyway, I just wanted to let you know that you're not alone.

truly,

Michelle

[Glitter_fairy]

yea scars are really pants.........I have some one my wrist, I'm starting a job soon for the summer and I am totaly freaked out about whether I am going to be able to hide them or not its scary as hell...........
I have been using Bio-oil on them and they have tonned down heaps.i wish so much they weren't there, but there are many other good things in life to look forward to scars or no scars

xx

[morbidkitten]

i have a question about this because im dealing with it too..the embarrassment of having to watch what i wear and bathing suits and everything..will the scars ever completely go away eventually after time?

[soulstory]

I have also had to deal with this because I have visible scars on both of my arms and on my ankles as well. I used to wear long sleeves year-round because I was so embarassed and also did not like people asking questions about them. But at some point, I realized that I did not want to hide this part of me forever because it made it feel even more shameful to me. It validated the part of me that says I'm bad... and that's not what I wanted to validate.

Soooo, it was really hard, but I eventually stopped wearing long-sleeves all the time. I learned to field people's questions in ways that did not force me to talk about things I was not comfortable discussing with them. And, I learned to handle the staring and the comments... that hasn't exactly gone away over time. Fortunately, I've gotten a little desensitized to it.

I don't really think there's a right or wrong way of handling the 'scar' issue... it's up to each individual to do what is best for her/himself at that particular point in time.

I hope that at least it helps to know that you're not alone in dealing with this

Take care.
Catherine

[limestone]

but i guess i'm asking how do you cope with the realization that you screwed it all up, that you made a mistake?

hi,

I think that's a really good question. It makes you sit and think and face it all which is a tough thing to do. I don't think there's a specific thing and it'll be different for the next person etc. I liked what Michelle said and I think that's part of it. Accepting that yeah, I made a mistake, I could have chosen differently and if I could go back tomorrow and change it all etc But you can't live in the past or future only in today. So, what can you say to yourself and do today that will help you to deal with this? e.g. realising that you have the right to make mistakes might help. Then, well, lets move on from that as the word mistake has heavy negative stuff etc, so what is the good things that have come out of it, i.e. where you are now, have you really screwed it all up? What are you options, attitudes that you could take? e.g. yes, it might get in the way but am I going to let it?

I know this hasn't helped much as it's a very personal and abstract thing to talk about. I hope it will become easier with time to deal with. My dad says that he thinks I've developed into a stronger and better person through everything - is there any sort of global view you could adopt for yourself in a similar manner? Public awareness is growing, and if you're prepared to take on that when you have to that can help. Yeah, scars do impact on your clothing choices - are you using vit e oil or other stuff to help? Do you wear short sleeves @ home? It's hard and if I could take away this problem for you and everyone else I would, but I can't and I wish there was more public education on this so that more people will avoid having to deal with the same thing.

[Illumina]

You said it yourself. You screwed up, you made a mistake. Past tense. Realising that is a huge step in the right direction, even though it's tough. Everyone feels very differently about their scars, but they are almost certainly the one of the biggest obstacles in preventing people form moving on from their SIing past. You could try to look at your scars in a more postive way. When you notice that they are bothering you, look right at them, and tell yourself "Oh look. That was a mistake. But it's in the past, and at least now I've moved on. I am strong because of that". Or some such similar thing. It may take a while, but hey, you've got time.

- Megan xx