last time i wanted to si, i didn't because.......

tips on how to cope: dealing with your feelings, dealing with the consequences of self-harm in your life. share your ideas and maybe pick up some new skills, too. you don't have to want to stop to learn something new here.

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nikki-girl
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Post by nikki-girl » Sat Jul 17, 2004 8:41 pm

because i have made a SU-SI contract so i had to try everything i could not to do it, so i wrote stuff down and did some drawing :D

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Post by ..dead.am.i. » Sun Jul 18, 2004 2:13 am

:bfly: I'm stronger than that.
:bfly: I remember the hurt in my mom's eyes when I showed her my scar.
:bfly: I didn't need to.
:bfly: I didn't deserve it.
:bfly: It would hurt afterwards.
:bfly: I didn't want to break a promise.
:bfly: My cat came in and snuggled me, and that made me happy.
I have been SI-free for <img src="http://si.flagellatedprotozoan.com/coun ... &count=YWD">

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Russianpoetess
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Post by Russianpoetess » Sun Jul 18, 2004 2:14 am

because I don't want to loose 41 days of no si. because it would hurt him. it would hurt my parents.
<br clear="all"> <img src="http://www.toxin.org/cgi-bin/count_hugs ... ianpoetess" height="40" width="240" title="HUGS">
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*HUGS* TOTAL!
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metzli
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Post by metzli » Sun Jul 18, 2004 2:17 am

Last time I wanted to SI and didn't it was because my wonderful cat Matilda was staring at me with her innocent, unconditionally loving eyes, trying to figure out what I was doing. Instead of SI-ing I talked to her and cuddled with her, which was comforting. It's nice because she doesn't argue with me or judge me.

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indigo_pie
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Post by indigo_pie » Tue Jul 20, 2004 1:33 pm

sheer exhaustion. I'm tired of everything.

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Post by swanfaerie » Wed Jul 21, 2004 8:59 am

i decided that altho my hurt feelings are my own, the situation/person that caused the hurt wasn't gonna win by getting the power and me hurting myself more. cuz at least at this moment i believe that i'm worth it :)
Don't do anything stupid.
It's hard to ignore a naked person.
You're a good boy too, Mommy


make your own snowflake!


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Post by SOTTSOLiluyOTEP » Wed Jul 21, 2004 4:33 pm

because i didnt want to ruin my record for the longest ive gone without it (2 months and 7/8 days now!!) and have 2 start all over again from 0days... it took alot to get to this point and i dont want to go bak
i love u

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8586
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Post by 8586 » Wed Jul 21, 2004 4:51 pm

I was just too tired.
Cry as I may, but these tears won't wash you away...

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greenstarz
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Post by greenstarz » Wed Jul 21, 2004 11:11 pm

i thought of my little bro and that this time i might leave him forever.

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Post by Starry_Eyed » Thu Jul 22, 2004 6:14 am

Because I didn't want to see it anymore.
Played the guitar until I was too tired and fell asleep.

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Ananya
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Post by Ananya » Thu Jul 22, 2004 9:34 am

willpower.......i curled up in bed

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Post by Licentia Poetica » Thu Jul 22, 2004 11:49 am

... because although I wanted to, I realised I didn't need to, so even though I'm not trying to stop as yet, I told myself I'm worth more than that, I'm special and then I curled up in bed with a book :)
:redstar: the time to tell a person you care is now :redstar: the paper crane chain of hope :redstar:

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If we knew each other's secrets, what comforts we should find.
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pretty
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Post by pretty » Thu Jul 22, 2004 6:40 pm

Because the last time i did, it felt wrong afterwards. It didn't feel like it used to, it felt alien. Because I know I don't need to, and I'm starting to realise that I don't even want to.
'this is what she says gets her through it,
"if I don't let myself be happy now, then when?"' - jimmy eat world

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tenar
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Post by tenar » Sun Jul 25, 2004 11:32 pm

because i was ignoring my emotions (the real source of my problems) by focusing on my desire to cut - instead i tried to work out what i was really thinking and feeling so that i could solve that rather than just ignoring it.


didn't exactly work but at least i didn't cut.
We live in a beautiful world...
There’s nothing here to run from,
Cause everybody here’s got somebody to lean on
~Don't Panic, Coldplay
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<a href="http://buslist.org/phpBB/viewtopic.php?t=112181">my new place

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Post by truthserum » Tue Jul 27, 2004 3:40 am

because I promised my friend to TRY to cope before automatically turning to SI. I went for a drive instead, then watched TV with my mom.
"Fires curl, shadows surge, a hollow sound that no one else can hear but me in silent streams. Forever more we dream." - Remy Zero, Shattered

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greenstarz
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Post by greenstarz » Wed Jul 28, 2004 4:50 am

i didnt want to end up back at the psych ward
My brain is diseased. The thoughts are only secretions from the diseased organ. I shouldn't listen to them anymore then I would listen to thoughts from the kidney or lung or anything else. I should listen to my heart. --My Pdoc

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nikki-girl
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Post by nikki-girl » Wed Jul 28, 2004 11:31 pm

i didnt want my bf to see it and be upset :-?
Love The Child For All She Had To Defend Against
Approx 10 Days SI Free

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scorpio 88 girl dragon
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Post by scorpio 88 girl dragon » Thu Jul 29, 2004 3:02 am

i went out side n started training i started kicking the door,n swing kicking the door which is wen u spin n kick.



*spoiler si* or at least kind of,not really just for yall that might find it offendsive or disturbing thats a warning*


i punched the door a couple of times but i didnt hurt my self.
“No matter how much of a crybaby she might be and probably will always be, she will do whatever it takes, climb whatever mountain, cross whatever ocean, to protect those she loves.”

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greenstarz
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Post by greenstarz » Thu Jul 29, 2004 4:34 am

i decided to watch a few movies instead
My brain is diseased. The thoughts are only secretions from the diseased organ. I shouldn't listen to them anymore then I would listen to thoughts from the kidney or lung or anything else. I should listen to my heart. --My Pdoc

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Post by kazeldya » Thu Jul 29, 2004 8:16 am

somehow I've decided that this fits in here even though it doesn't really... but anyway.......
my SI scar is in a place where I see it pretty much only when I go to the bathroom or shower... that and the fact that I feel kind of triggered already due to reading/writing about depression and suicide triggers me more... I want to but I don't... I haven't in just a week and that was triggered in part by seeing my scar too and before that I hadn't since May... I really don't want to but I think I will sort of want to once I'm in the bathroom and sitting down and not that far from my razor (which is within reach of the toilet)... and even if I hide the razor, I can use my fingernails like I did last time... last time I didn't because I gave myself permission if I still wanted to in 24 hours, and then I did... I could do that now, but I partly think I will on impulse... I hope not... being in the bathroom with the door closed is a time i'm alone and guaranteed to be alone, or pretty much so... damn it. i should just go to bed.
*almost* SI-free (7 slips) since August 26/27, 2004 (~2 am on 27th) my place: http://buslist.org/phpBB/viewtopic.php? ... sc&start=0

last slip: about 10pm March 25, 2008

After changes upon changes, we are more or less the same. - Paul Simon
Dreaming permits each and every one of us to be quietly and SAFELY insane every night of our lives. - William Dement. So I guess we should just sleep and be insane THEN instead of hurting ourselves (or anyone else)

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