Before
Posted: Mon Jun 26, 2006 11:14 pm
Today has been a stressful day, though the good news is that it looks like I'm not pregnant. But it was still stressful. There's also the ongoing recurring thoughts of SI thing.
* how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
I think that I would buy myself some clear headed time, escape the thought of SI by giving in to them. It would also relax me. It would feel -really- good.
* what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
If I do, this will cause big problems for my boyfriend who is already having a rough time and who was really great about the whole pregnancy scare thing.
* how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
Well, for the recurring thoughts, it's obviously not going to help the problem in the long run, only in the short term.
* if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
It will probably last for a day or so. And then... I'll try to distract myself with work.
* what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
I could have a drink to relax. It might not be such a bad option if I only have one. I also want to make rice noodles. They are so good! And would cheer me up some. I already watched a movie to destress. I might watch another. And going to bed early. That gets me through tonight and tomorrow will have lots of new things on the go to distract me.
* how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
I will feel guilty tomorrow, not because I did it, but because of the other consequences. If I don't do it, I'm probably not going to feel particularly proud, I probably won't feel much about it.
* what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
I don't know, because I have a hard time understanding how the recurring thoughts contribute to a self-protective instinct. The other situation is that I know my body needs to relax, and sometimes most other ways I try don't seem to work.
urges aren't necessarily the enemy. they happen for reasons, and they're an expression of a desire to stay alive and stay sane and keep coping. remember that.
At this point, I think I won't need to hurt myself. I made a better plan and I think it will be an okay night.
* how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
I think that I would buy myself some clear headed time, escape the thought of SI by giving in to them. It would also relax me. It would feel -really- good.
* what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
If I do, this will cause big problems for my boyfriend who is already having a rough time and who was really great about the whole pregnancy scare thing.
* how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
Well, for the recurring thoughts, it's obviously not going to help the problem in the long run, only in the short term.
* if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
It will probably last for a day or so. And then... I'll try to distract myself with work.
* what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
I could have a drink to relax. It might not be such a bad option if I only have one. I also want to make rice noodles. They are so good! And would cheer me up some. I already watched a movie to destress. I might watch another. And going to bed early. That gets me through tonight and tomorrow will have lots of new things on the go to distract me.
* how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
I will feel guilty tomorrow, not because I did it, but because of the other consequences. If I don't do it, I'm probably not going to feel particularly proud, I probably won't feel much about it.
* what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
I don't know, because I have a hard time understanding how the recurring thoughts contribute to a self-protective instinct. The other situation is that I know my body needs to relax, and sometimes most other ways I try don't seem to work.
urges aren't necessarily the enemy. they happen for reasons, and they're an expression of a desire to stay alive and stay sane and keep coping. remember that.
At this point, I think I won't need to hurt myself. I made a better plan and I think it will be an okay night.
-S