- yup
what had happened just before?
- I've had a rough few days - trying to adjust to being back under my parents' roof after a year, them having found out that I SI'd in the past, that 2 close friends are a lot deeper in the shit than I realised.
what were you thinking and feeling?
- Slightly upset and guilty feeling, I have a bad tendency to blame myself for things that go wrong with other people. Worried for my friend. Pissed of at my parents. And craving SI
why did you end up hurting yourself then instead of some other time? was there an event that was the final straw? what was it?
- No final straw, just the fact that there was all this shit going on, which I can't handle normally. I couldn't see any reason not to cut. Ok, I haven't cut since october but right now I can't see a valid reason for not doing it occasionally to get that high and good relaxed feeling.
how did the situation get to the final straw stage? trace it back through the events that led up to the last event. look for some point at which you could have made a different decision and not arrived at the final straw.
- I could have phoned up a friend and talked it through with them.
were there outside factors like drugs, alsohol, being off your meds, lack of sleep, etc? can you address those in the future? how?
- nope. Unless parents count as outside factors, and not much I can do about them
what other ways of coping did you try besides self-harm? how well did they work?
- delayed it. Read a book. Thats all really. I could have not done it if I'd tried, but I wanted to.
in retrospect, are there coping methods that you now realize might have helped? what were they?
- Sure, any of the ones I've written down in the past would have worked
name at least two things you will do to help yourself remember those coping methods if you end up in this situation again.
- The problem is not that I was trying not to and failed; I'd decided I wanted to, so why would I try to stop myself? Is it really so bad to cut occasionally?
how do you feel about the situation that led to self-harm now? is it resolved? if not, what are some steps you might take toward resolution?
- nope not in the slightest. Still got those stressors. So I guess I'll do it again. In fact I've gone as far as to look in my diary and see when it'll be ok to do it again. Which I guess isn't good. But I have no regrets for cutting last night.
I know theres not a lot of point posting this really, as there's not a lot anyone can say to it. But it has helped me to recognise how my brain's working to answer this, so I hope no one minds me posting it so I have it to refer back to - I can't just print it as I no longer trust my parents not to go through my things
Feel free to comment if something grabs you! Andi x
