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SI/lang sorry so long. Any help appreciated.


What had happened just before?

Had an arguement with my b/f, was just trying at make it a nice day, as he working tom and cos I didnt have everyting planned out gets all moody with me which spirals and he thinks it really fckuing amusing which its not. So I walk off and left him in pub. Then when get home he throws everything back at me, cos the kitchen in the mess, which means Im shit. Just shouted at me over it, so unfair as I always do everything and forgot this time what with work dont know if im coming or going. Im overly senstive I know but just cant deal with all the critiscms and hatred right now.

what were you thinking and feeling?

That everything was my fault, no matter how hard I try I always mess up soemwhere along the line. Just dont want to be here I really cant cope with all the decisions I need to make and have no where to turn. So scared of everything next week and I cant do this on my own.

why did you end up hurting yourself then instead of some other time? was there an event that was the final straw? what was it?

The arguement just tipped me, evapoarted all my confidence anything that I can do this I can make things right just went.

How did the situation get to the final straw stage? trace it back through the events that led up to the last event. look for some point at which you could have made a different decision and not arrived at the final straw.

Been building up all week, work decisions are panicing me as need ot make a decision by monday and im scared, dont know what to do. Wanted to cut all week, needed to calm down, needed some clairty, something physical to justify how I crap feel. SI was the only thing I knew would do it. I know that sounds screwed.

Were there outside factors like drugs, alsohol, being off your meds, lack of sleep, etc? can you address those in the future? how?

Had one drink but dont think that affected me. Buying new stuff on way home didnt help, as wouldnt have had anything proper to use.

What other ways of coping did you try besides self-harm? how well did they work?

Reading destracting, but was just too upset to think.
I tried to ignore it for ages was meant to be 3weeks si free today. Just didnt work.

In retrospect, are there coping methods that you now realize might have helped? what were they?

Talking here I guess kept me safe all week

Name at least two things you will do to help yourself remember those coping methods if you end up in this situation again.

How do you feel about the situation that led to self-harm now? is it resolved? if not, what are some steps you might take toward resolution?

Well b/f is now acting like nothing happened typical. Whilst Im left feeling crap. I dont know what to do, we keep ending back here thought things were better but I dont know now. I just couldnt seem to control the situation, felt powerless which why si helps give me some control over soemthing even if it is pain (sorry I guess that sounds backwards). Once started couldnt stop till if looked enough for me

Are you likely to be in that emotional place again? how will you recognize it when you're in that situation?

Very poss this week, its decision week. Walking a very fine line.

What will you try before you resort to self-harm if you're in that situation again?

Elastic bands, not tried that one before, red felt tipped pens used to work too although sometimes they trigger me even more.

Sorry I know all this sounds pathetic, just smallest thing now tipped me over and I don't know what to do. Trying to put it off all week has just built up all the reasons I used to do. Dont know how to sort this

Hi.

First of all, nothing you said sounds pathetic or backwards. It sounds like you have been under a lot of stress. I know that when I'm really stressed out, sometimes something small puts me over the edge.

One thing that you mentioned is something physical to represent and justify how bad you feel. Is that right? Would it help if someone would offer verbal reassurance that your feelings are valid?

It sounds like recently things have been building up. Has it helped you in the past to try to deal with the stress all along? For example, if you gave yourself an hour to do something relaxing every day.

What other ways can you try to restore a sense of control?

I hope you are doing okay. I'm glad you took the time to fill out these questions.

Thank-you.

Feels so daft the most smallest thing has just hurt me so much and tipped me over. I feel so empty, I don't know how to feel and am so daft for taking this to heart, it just hurt so much. I cna't stop breaking down in tears. I know today would be hard and I got so much to sort out I just cant think. Trouble is even when this bit done its all the chnge that comes too.

One thing that you mentioned is something physical to represent and justify how bad you feel. Is that right? Would it help if someone would offer verbal reassurance that your feelings are valid?

I dont know, it used to be how I felt, before when things got bad. I couldnt put anything into words, and cutting seemed to justify why i felt that way, cos all my reasons seemed so stupid. Sorry if that sounds wrong. Was stuck on my own yester with no way of getting all my thoughts out and everything going trough my head. Was so numb.

Has it helped you in the past to try to deal with the stress all along?

I been trying to, this sit work wise been like this for a month and I never knew how much writing out stuff in my place has helped. Dont think I could have done it otherwise, havent even been drinking, which is good.

Dont think the feeling has gone away though. It's bought all the memories of why i did it back. Sorry.