After...spontaneous
Posted: Sun May 14, 2006 10:52 pm
Im not sure how much of this I can write out, but Im scared if i dont it'll happen this random again - sorry if all sounds odd
What had happened just before?
Was walking back from work and I been made redundant (30 days notice tickaign away at mo) so were talking things through, everythng suddenly hit me and all i could think about was si, tried to avoid the shops to go and buy anything, but couldnt I just couldnt cope with everything in my head at that point.
what were you thinking and feeling?
I was panicing bout all the what if's, which I know is poitnless but it scared me. My b/f sister went on how redun ruins everything and how would I be leaving and going home, which is just soo shitty of her. I know they don't think Im good enough and Im not for him but Im trying. Just feel soo worthless then and now and scared that everything gona com crashing down. Im tyring not to cry all the time...i ended up landung in a pddle on friday and burst into tears so daft. All I could think about was si-ing, and lost all time when I bought stuff and hid in toilets - feel so ashamed and so scared, I haven't been like this for over a year, this sober at any rate.
why did you end up hurting yourself then instead of some other time? was there an event that was the final straw? what was it?
Its been building up, I've had the pressure of a time I should try and make it to without si and with all job stuff just too much. Just felt like there was some huge dark monster chasing me and it was gona catch up sooner or later and....it did.
how did the situation get to the final straw stage? trace it back through the events that led up to the last event. look for some point at which you could have made a different decision and not arrived at the final straw.
It was very spontaneous, much more than has been over last few months, it was a case of bad week and snapping. Im not sure how to deal with it all at the moment. I dont want to rely on this method.
were there outside factors like drugs, alsohol, being off your meds, lack of sleep, etc? can you address those in the future? how?
Lack of sleep once again, big way having bad dreams and few hours sleep so like a zombie. Also had two glasses a wine without food till few hours later which had mushed my afternoon. Sleep Im trying but heads soo busy finding it hard to chill. Plus my train was randomly delayed so had time to do it.
what other ways of coping did you try besides self-harm? how well did they work?
I tried nothing shamfully, but was instant action.
in retrospect, are there coping methods that you now realize might have helped? what were they?
My b/f said I should have rung him, we used to have soemthing so that if i felt that bad I could ring him, but I didn't even think of it, was blind to what wanted to do then.
name at least two things you will do to help yourself remember those coping methods if you end up in this situation again.
Ringing b/f or breahting
how do you feel about the situation that led to self-harm now? is it resolved? if not, what are some steps you might take toward resolution?
Well the situation is kinda on going due to work and home life nothing is stable right now, I really dont know what the future holds and that scares me. But Im taking actve steps to find new work and pushing other people to sort out there situaon which will affect pot where I live and what I do.
are you likely to be in that emotional place again? how will you recognize it when you're in that situation?
I dont want to be in the space again...so scared cos was in a blurr afterwards, shaky and I coldtn remember anything from lunchtime to doing it all so hazy.
what will you try before you resort to self-harm if you're in that situation again?
Talk, going to try and find something I can chart everything on over week and control things that way, started writing again and start my place on BUS. I am jsut soo scared right now, i havent acted this spontaeously in ages and last time it wasnt a good situ, need suggestiosn to control befre i get even more lost....sorry this is soo long
What had happened just before?
Was walking back from work and I been made redundant (30 days notice tickaign away at mo) so were talking things through, everythng suddenly hit me and all i could think about was si, tried to avoid the shops to go and buy anything, but couldnt I just couldnt cope with everything in my head at that point.
what were you thinking and feeling?
I was panicing bout all the what if's, which I know is poitnless but it scared me. My b/f sister went on how redun ruins everything and how would I be leaving and going home, which is just soo shitty of her. I know they don't think Im good enough and Im not for him but Im trying. Just feel soo worthless then and now and scared that everything gona com crashing down. Im tyring not to cry all the time...i ended up landung in a pddle on friday and burst into tears so daft. All I could think about was si-ing, and lost all time when I bought stuff and hid in toilets - feel so ashamed and so scared, I haven't been like this for over a year, this sober at any rate.
why did you end up hurting yourself then instead of some other time? was there an event that was the final straw? what was it?
Its been building up, I've had the pressure of a time I should try and make it to without si and with all job stuff just too much. Just felt like there was some huge dark monster chasing me and it was gona catch up sooner or later and....it did.
how did the situation get to the final straw stage? trace it back through the events that led up to the last event. look for some point at which you could have made a different decision and not arrived at the final straw.
It was very spontaneous, much more than has been over last few months, it was a case of bad week and snapping. Im not sure how to deal with it all at the moment. I dont want to rely on this method.
were there outside factors like drugs, alsohol, being off your meds, lack of sleep, etc? can you address those in the future? how?
Lack of sleep once again, big way having bad dreams and few hours sleep so like a zombie. Also had two glasses a wine without food till few hours later which had mushed my afternoon. Sleep Im trying but heads soo busy finding it hard to chill. Plus my train was randomly delayed so had time to do it.
what other ways of coping did you try besides self-harm? how well did they work?
I tried nothing
shamfully, but was instant action.in retrospect, are there coping methods that you now realize might have helped? what were they?
My b/f said I should have rung him, we used to have soemthing so that if i felt that bad I could ring him, but I didn't even think of it, was blind to what wanted to do then.
name at least two things you will do to help yourself remember those coping methods if you end up in this situation again.
Ringing b/f or breahting
how do you feel about the situation that led to self-harm now? is it resolved? if not, what are some steps you might take toward resolution?
Well the situation is kinda on going due to work and home life nothing is stable right now, I really dont know what the future holds and that scares me. But Im taking actve steps to find new work and pushing other people to sort out there situaon which will affect pot where I live and what I do.
are you likely to be in that emotional place again? how will you recognize it when you're in that situation?
I dont want to be in the space again...so scared cos was in a blurr afterwards, shaky and I coldtn remember anything from lunchtime to doing it all so hazy.
what will you try before you resort to self-harm if you're in that situation again?
Talk, going to try and find something I can chart everything on over week and control things that way, started writing again and start my place on BUS. I am jsut soo scared right now, i havent acted this spontaeously in ages and last time it wasnt a good situ, need suggestiosn to control befre i get even more lost....sorry this is soo long
