bus

Before

•how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?

Feeling: the tension will ease and Situation:
in the big picture a lot may change a could be sent back to a place that i don'tt really want to go to.

•what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?

Bring: relief from tension
Take Away: posibly a home that i love and a record of only 2 slips in almost 8 months.

•how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?


In the lon run i would like to think of cutting as just a thing of the past but that doesn't seem realistic right now.
Cutting myself would get me farther away

•if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?


the relief will last anywhere from a half an hour to hours
then i might fill out these questions again and hurt myself again (following the cycle! damnit!)

•what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?

i could go for a walk it is still light outside. it will change the environment that i am in. the change will last however long i am walking. If i wanlk long enough i might just come home and go to sleep.

•how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?

if i hurt myslef i will feel relieved then feel........worthless......unlovable.....guilty...and like shit(as though those other mentioned theings don't imply feeling shitty)

•what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?

right now i really just want to get my miind off stuff but another part of it though is i want to feel the pain and see the wound. (god how crazy i sound.)

•Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?

thnking has brought me to this point. i was just thinking and i often think about my SI and like i dont know it just feels like it is what i am supposed to do.

•Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?

i am pretty sure that i have been here before .....last time i did hurt myself...then i felt releif and the next day like shit.

•What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?

I have filled out theses questions ...right now i can go try and be creative.

•How do I feel right now?


tense.....anxious.....fruudtrated....

•How will I feel when I am hurting myself?

tense

•How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?

After: relieved
Tomorrow: like shit

•Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?

I don't know

•Do I need to hurt myself?

no but it seems like a good idea right now



------------WhiteChocolate

Hi WhiteChocolate.

I'm sorry you are feeling so anxious right now.

Did you try going for a walk? If so, how did it help?

When you are tense, what does SI offer you? Is it a sense of control? A powerful distraction? etc. What other activities can offer you those same things? It might take several activities to help you release your anxiety rather than just one.

also, do you have any idea of what caused this tension?


I hope you are feeling better.

Did you try going for a walk? If so, how did it help?

When you are tense, what does SI offer you? Is it a sense of control? A powerful distraction? etc. What other activities can offer you those same things? It might take several activities to help you release your anxiety rather than just one.

also, do you have any idea of what caused this tension?

I didn't go for a walk but i did try to be creative and made some cards out of the pictures that i have taken with my digital camera.it helped distract me from al ot of stuff then i came back upstairs and watched an episode of 24 my favorite show and then went dowwstaris to write in my journal because i was still feeling urgy. while i was writting in my journal our new dog came into my room and jumped up onto my bed and pawed at me until ii pet her. this ut a smile on my face. I am thinking of just going to her when urgy. Like take her for walks or something.

when im tense cutting releases all of the tension. like right when i am hurting myself i am as tense as i can get then once i have hurt myself like immediatley afterwards i fell so much more relaxed. i don't know why. SI acts both as a distraction and gives me a sense of control. But it is also something that gives me relief from tension and raceing thoughts.

most of the time all i need to do is distract myself untiil i can fall asleep. the next day most of the feelings and thoughts are gone most of the time..

i don't know why i was so tense. i can't figure that one out. sometimes just thinking about SI brings up stuff from my past and i'll get so angry just thinking about it. and then sometiems when i think about SI i just think about the relief it brings and it jsut sounds like a good idea. I am probably not making any sense. sorry if you don't understand a word of this lol.

thanks fort he reply and yes i am feeling better today and i did make it through the day without hurting myself.[/quote]

I'm glad you made it through the day. I think it is wonderful that playing with the dog helped. (animals are amazing that way)

It's also good that you've found the distracting yourself until you sleep helps. That's a really good insight.