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<b> * how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?</b>

It won't change anything. I will still be at the place that I am now. I recognize that it's mostly a fear-based reaction to the fact that I've just taken a huge step in my life.

<b>* what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?</b>

It will bring a sense of failure. A sense of "I worked myself up to get to the point where I could throw away the tools and now look what I've done."

It will take away a sense of accomplishment - that I could even <i>get</i> this far in the first place.

<b>* how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?</b>

I know that right now I am urgy out of fear. I've just taken away a really important coping mechanism that I know I don't want back. This is not about urge control as much as it is addressing fear of change.

Hurting myself I recognize would be really bad right now. But I feel...devoid without it.

<b>* if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?</b>

That usually depends :: shrug ::

<b>* what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?</b>

I'm trying to recognize that I'm afraid, that this was huge huge huge and that of course I'm gonna feel this way and that it's not a bad thing.

What to do...what to do...I don't know wtf to do =/ =/ =/

<b>* how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?</b>

I'll feel bad. I know that. If I continue doing what I'm doing right now and just try to reason with this I'll probably feel better about it.

<b>* what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?</b>

I don't want to hurt myself =/ But argh I'm panicking and freaking out and I know I shouldn't be because for once this is a *good* move I'm making...

<b>* Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?</b>

asdjfaskfj :: afraid ::

<b>* Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?</b>

Honestly no, this is a new one on me.

<b>* What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?</b>

Tried to reassure myself that I'm just afraid so yes I'm gonna freak out, that this is a huge step, listened to some music.

<b> * How do I feel right now?</b>

afraid
like i'm about one inch tall
a bit panicked

<b>* How will I feel when I am hurting myself?</b>

I don't usually feel anything.

<b>* How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?</b>

How I feel depends on a lot of things. I usually don't think about it the next morning.

<b>* Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?</b>

I think I'll learn how to deal with it in the future better if I can just get over this Very Hard Part.

<b>* Do I need to hurt myself?</b>

No but it sounds so good right now

what's helped when you've felt afraid in the past?

*nods* it makes sense that giving up a way of coping... especially one that a lot of us used for ages as a 'first-resort' is scary.

what sorts of things could you do to lessen that feeling?
what could you do to give you a sense of control or pride... something you do well? eg. writing a poem, tying bows *just* right, even just washing dishes & doing a really nice job of it...

what sorts of things could you put in place of si? it does leave a hole. there's a 'my gosh, without this... now what?'

for me often it was/& still can be at times... a very frustrated-towards-self & feeling like i'd implode... a frantic 'well wtf am i supposed to do if not *this*' very sinking & very intense feeling.
one thing that helps me at times is to phrase what i'm doing... talk back to myself... 'i don't need to si. i can walk. i can chew gum. i really really would like to si. but i don't need to. i have a choice. i can stare at the cats.' whatever i was doing... simply so i'd see that although i had lost something... i did have other things to do. even though they didn't provide the same easy instant relief. no doubt about that. but it was still *something* & it was still *my* something.

Mercy Snow wrote: <b>* what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?</b>

Hi MS

First off, huge congrats for getting to the stage of saying you're quitting. Like you say, that's a huge step and I hope you're proud of you.

What struck me was that you seem to want to si to cope with fear, so perhaps the self-protective instinct is to calm yourself down, or to restore some control over a situation that seems scary. In that case is there some other soothing thing you could do, like listen to music, or could you do some other control thing like make a list of coping methods you're going to try when you feel like this?

Those were just examples. If they're not how you feel can you see if you can come up with what si would serve for you right now, and see if you can find a replacement of sorts for it?

Good luck. I'm thinking of you.

I don't know what to do about conquering fear without SI. I've sat with the feeling but now it's making me literally physically ill and anxious and I don't like it.

I don't exactly know what it is that I'm afraid of, only that there is fear and that I feel stripped and that I've stepped off into this abyss of sorts.

I feel like I've lost my rope and I have to hang onto something, but that something isn't there and I want to make it a *good* something, not a *bad* something.

Could you curl up under your duvet with lots of blankets and warmth and a light on? I'm thinking of treating this almost primal fear with primal comforting techniques. Trick your brain into feeling safe, if it's oging to insist on being overwhelmingly afraid.

I like that idea. Digging into the pile of unwatched DVD's sounds like it'd go perfectly with that.

Excellent plan. I've got to go now, but good luck. Let us know how you get on.