bus

* how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
i might feel in control. i might feel better

* what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
i gues it might make me feel in control whilst i do it, but it will take away my self respect. i promised myself i wouldn't do it again

* how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
i want to feel better. if i SI i will probably just feel guilty/worse so it probably wont make me feel any better

* if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
as long as the SI lasts. that how long i'll feel better. but i always feel guilt straight after. i'm not sure what id do atfer

* what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
i wish i could talk to my bf i guess i can just stay on BUS or on another forum. or go to bes. it will stop me from hurting myself. if i can stop myself it might last and help me through the next time i get an urge

* how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
I'll fee so amazingly guity, and well, like shit. If i do the other i'lll be glad i didn't SI tho i will still feel down

* what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
i want to make this feeling stop anyway that is possible No sure bout the second part of that question-sorry

* Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
i had an arguement with my bf a bit ago, plus i've been in abad way this wek already. it just feels too much to cope with and i'm scared cos i have another counselling appointment tomorrow. Alchol brought it this far. i know i shouldn't help but i gave in and drank

* Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
Yes. last wednesday. I gace in to my urges so i didn't deal with it. I felt really bad for not coping

* What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
Nothing so far. aside from coming on BUS which has helped a bit. go and try to find someone to talk to.

* How do I feel right now?
like shit. i can't stop crying. i feel so pathetic for being this way and so weak for even considering SI to cope

* How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
Better. But guilty too, and probably more upset

* How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
I'll feel ashamed, i always do. I will probably feel worse

* Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
Try not to get drunk cos i feel down. Try not to argue with one ones i love, or take everything to heart and get upset

* Do I need to hurt myself?
No. But in a way i actually want to But no i don't need to

Hi.

I am sorry that things are so difficult right now. I am glad that you took the time to answer these questions, and that you recognize that self injury is a want and not a need.

From your responses, it sounds as though guilt and shame are emotions that are very intense for you. You mentioned feeling guilt for drinking and considering hurting yourself. Considering self injury does not make you weak. It shows that you are in distress and that you are trying to find ways to cope. The fact that you are trying to resist the urge shows a huge amount of strength. It is very difficult. Mistakes along the way are likely to happen. But this is not a reflection on you as a person.

What things can you do to release feelings of guilt and avoid making judgements about yourself as a person?

What sorts of coping things have helped you in the past? Do distractions tend to work? Things that mimic self injury? Perhaps take a look at the list of distractions on the coping board?

You also mentioned arguments with loved ones as a stressor. I know how upsetting that can be. What things can you do that will give you some time/space to calm down and approach the situation with a clear mind? For instance, when I fight with people close to me, I go read comics until I am more relaxed.

Anyhow, I hope something in there was helpful.

Take care of yourself.

-b