sisterbig wrote:I was trained by my parents to do it so the feeling is strong and old.
Do you mean that your parents actually trained you to SI to deal with your emotions? Or that you have a history of SI to deal with feelings brought on by your parents? (Your statement is a little unclear, I wanted to make sure).
If you are SI'ing to deal with emotions brought on by your parents, what other coping strategies have you tried? Is there someone you can talk to about the feelings?
sisterbig wrote:I told myself I would hurt myself one last time and then stop. And start dealing with the feelings.
The problem with thinking like this is that it is easy to keep close to the surface and pull out as an excuse to SI. It's addict thinking - "Just one more cigarette, just one more drink, just one more..."
As the old adage goes, why put off until tomorrow what you can start today? If you're serious about stopping, stop this form of self-sabotage in its tracks and start NOW.
sisterbig wrote:The "I am a failure" tape is so strong. I don't know how to break it.
What is it exactly that you are afraid of failing at? And why does it cause you to want to SI?
Try to focus on the fact that you need to keep yourself safe right now to stay out of the hospital, instead of running the failure tapes. Make that a goal. Write it down and put it where you can see it often.
Check out Sourcebook for some excellent threads on distractions, coping mechanisms, and information that you might just generally find helpful. The "Coping" forum might also be helpful too.
Good luck!
