bus

i should mention that i have been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder

how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?

i will calm down and stop feeling urgy. i will probably have satisfaction for punishing myself


what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?

hurting myself will bring clarity and calm.... but it will also reinforce my feeling that i am so worthless SI is the only solution


how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?

i don't know what i want anymore. i can't tell.. my head is full of static


if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?

i have no idea how long it will last... probably until my mood changes again. maybe a few hours or a day. i'll probably resort to cutting more and more then

what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?

there's nothing really... well, there probably is but i can't see it


how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?

happy that i'm punishing myself..


what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?

...

urges aren't necessarily the enemy. they happen for reasons, and they're an expression of a desire to stay alive and stay sane and keep coping. remember that.

More Before Questions To Answer



Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?

generally feeling depressed. dreaming of everyone i love dying and me being stranded and alone.


Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?

i cut and then slipped into a spiral of cutting

What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?

used other destructive behaviour such as over-eating or otherwise glueing myself to the computer

How do I feel right now?

anxious, trapped, alone, chaotic, unclear

How will I feel when I am hurting myself?

relieved

How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?

like i really am as worthless as a shadow existing just for pain and like i have done well to punish myself

Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?

no because the stressor is me

Do I need to hurt myself?

it feels like the only option atm

what doe sit matter that your dx is bpd? right now, instead of focusing on your disorder, let's try to see if you can focus on the feelings that are behind your si.

you said that you feel anxious, trapped, alone, chaotic, unclear, depressed and like your head is full of static. is this because of the dream you had about everyone dying and you ending up alone? remember that dreams are just that, dreams - they are not necessairly prophecies about how your life is going to go.

in the question "what else can i do that won't hurt me", you said that you used other destructive behaviours. can you think of at least two behaviours that are not destructive to self? (ie, colouring, punching a pillow, writing down your feelings)?

remember there ARE other options than si. it may not seem like it at the time of urge, but there are other options. a good tactic to fight off urges is when you are not urgy, create a list of things to do that will help to dissipate the urge, and how you can learn to recognize behaviour that may influence an urge or start an urge to si.

good luck

Mercy Snow wrote:what doe sit matter that your dx is bpd? right now, instead of focusing on your disorder, let's try to see if you can focus on the feelings that are behind your si.

you said that you feel anxious, trapped, alone, chaotic, unclear, depressed and like your head is full of static. is this because of the dream you had about everyone dying and you ending up alone? remember that dreams are just that, dreams - they are not necessairly prophecies about how your life is going to go.

in the question "what else can i do that won't hurt me", you said that you used other destructive behaviours. can you think of at least two behaviours that are not destructive to self? (ie, colouring, punching a pillow, writing down your feelings)?

remember there ARE other options than si. it may not seem like it at the time of urge, but there are other options. a good tactic to fight off urges is when you are not urgy, create a list of things to do that will help to dissipate the urge, and how you can learn to recognize behaviour that may influence an urge or start an urge to si.

good luck

thanks for replying mercy snow... i didn't stop this time but i'm getting prepared for next time i feel this way. so that i know things that aren't destructive when all i can think of is the destructive ones.