beef ore - two possiblities

[okie]

I hate being here. I said I wouldn't come to BUS any more (it's personal, nothing against BUS). I FEEL like I have nowhere else to go.

I hope I don't cut. The last time was new year's eve. I made no resolutions, but that would be a convenient date by which to remember...

So, "beef" = meat -- will I cut?

"ore" = something mined that possesses great riches. Can I dig deep enough tonight?

I play my word games and have fun. But no one can join me. The journey is too dark to follow. I read poetry, listen to it in song's form, and wonder at it. It tells my life. I have a need. It is deep. Just typing this makes the desire to cut subside -- a bit. I need to think about my need, how it's not being met. Why do I want to cut this need from me? It's like punctuation. Be certain of what you are saying.

This is way big for me -- just posting. I don't know if I'll be back. I suspect I will. I'd love to be able to avoid cutting tonight. Not terribly hopeful. I can't even imagine being able to find the questions to ask myself. I'm just being self indulgent here. I know this is not the place for that and I am sorry.

[Jomomma]

Can you itentify the need?

What do you need for the need to be met?

Self indulgent is not a bad thing especially if it leads to taking care of your needs.


We are here to listen


Jo

[balletomane]

Hi Okie.

I just wanted to let you know that I read.

Do what it takes to keep yourself safe.

[okie]

Thanks. Well, I made to off to bed without cutting. Yay me. I also am garnering the courage to talk with my T about an issue I've managed to avoid with her for the three and a half years I've been with her. I figure I'm just not going to move further ahead if I don't deal with it. So, wish me luck.

Thanks for listening. I'll be going away again. It was a weak moment last night.

[Jomomma]

I'm glad you made it through the night and way to go on deciding to talk to your t about some major issues.
That takes a lot of strength and courage.

You don't have to leave

Always here to listen

[balletomane]

Good luck, Okie. I hope things go well in therapy. Well done on making it through the night.

If you need us, we'll be here.