before
Posted: Mon Oct 31, 2005 2:57 am
how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
I don't know. I guess I'll feel like I'm actually acknowledging what I'm feeling and I'll feel like I can do something about this.
what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
I guess, in a hard to admit way, control. I don't know. My feeling that I respect myself I suppose?
how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
I want to feel... grown up about this. Like, that this is something behind me and that I'm not going to do this again. Further.
if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
I'm not sure.
what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
Guitar, and I'm probably going to go do that because it can distract me for hours. I know I suck, but maybe I'll get better. I just know I have to fill this out or I might slip.
how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
I'll feel like I stopped whatever I'm feeling. I'll feel stupid for wanting to SI anyway, even if I didn't.
what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
I don't know. I just really feel isolated and unable to express myself. I feel trapped. SI won't help me but it'll be soothing. And now that I've acknolegded that the sick irony of it won't let me do it. (I hope).
Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
Exasperation, frustration, ailenation.
Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
Friday. distracted myself with guitar. I felt okay but I still eneded up here again.
What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
I went shopping. I didn't find anything nice to wear. I feel hideous and as if I have nothing to wear. This isn't true I just feel like I need to wear something that makes me look nice. I'm beginning to think there's nothing that makes me look nice.
How do I feel right now?
Ugly.
How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
Realistic-ish.
How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
Paranoid. And then I'll clean it up and I'll feel like I'm taking care of myself. Depends if remember I did it. Once I remember what I did I'll feel stupid.
Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
I think I'm dealing with it better. And even if that's not so I'm going to tell myself it is because I want it to be true.
Do I need to hurt myself?
No. But I need something and I don't know what it is. I don't want drugs, meaningless sex, and I feel like I'm not living life. This was always my sort of thing I did that was bad for myself but made me feel good for a little while. I don't need to, but I really want to. I don't think I'm going to.
I don't know. I guess I'll feel like I'm actually acknowledging what I'm feeling and I'll feel like I can do something about this.
what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
I guess, in a hard to admit way, control. I don't know. My feeling that I respect myself I suppose?
how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
I want to feel... grown up about this. Like, that this is something behind me and that I'm not going to do this again. Further.
if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
I'm not sure.
what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
Guitar, and I'm probably going to go do that because it can distract me for hours. I know I suck, but maybe I'll get better. I just know I have to fill this out or I might slip.
how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
I'll feel like I stopped whatever I'm feeling. I'll feel stupid for wanting to SI anyway, even if I didn't.
what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
I don't know. I just really feel isolated and unable to express myself. I feel trapped. SI won't help me but it'll be soothing. And now that I've acknolegded that the sick irony of it won't let me do it. (I hope).
Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
Exasperation, frustration, ailenation.
Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
Friday. distracted myself with guitar. I felt okay but I still eneded up here again.
What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
I went shopping. I didn't find anything nice to wear. I feel hideous and as if I have nothing to wear. This isn't true I just feel like I need to wear something that makes me look nice. I'm beginning to think there's nothing that makes me look nice.
How do I feel right now?
Ugly.
How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
Realistic-ish.
How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
Paranoid. And then I'll clean it up and I'll feel like I'm taking care of myself. Depends if remember I did it. Once I remember what I did I'll feel stupid.
Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
I think I'm dealing with it better. And even if that's not so I'm going to tell myself it is because I want it to be true.
Do I need to hurt myself?
No. But I need something and I don't know what it is. I don't want drugs, meaningless sex, and I feel like I'm not living life. This was always my sort of thing I did that was bad for myself but made me feel good for a little while. I don't need to, but I really want to. I don't think I'm going to.
Take care. I hope you will find something to "soothe" the urges again.