bus

I haven't cut in six months. And I'm so proud of myself for that.

But right now my housemate is going through a lot of shit, and I can't help her and that's killing me and making me feel awful. And it just makes me feel worthless.

And I live in a house full of people in relationships, and I feel so lonely even though i shouldnt. it really gets me down. i do have someone i talk to quite a lot, and he does know i use to self harm, but i feel like i cant tell him now, i feel im letting him down too much and am attention seeking by texting him wanting help.

so i dont know what to do. im shattered but dont want to sleep. and i dont want to cut, so im too scared to do nothing cause then i will.

he does know i use to self harm, but i feel like i cant tell him now, i feel im letting him down too much and am attention seeking by texting him wanting help
--what about leaving out the urge to self-harm... & stick with what you said earlier in your post... '*this* is the situation with my housemate.. i feel bad for not being able to help...' many people can relate to that. feeling helpless while seeing someone else in pain is *hard*

im shattered but dont want to sleep. and i dont want to cut, so im too scared to do nothing cause then i will.
--i'm not sure i'm getting what you're saying... could you rephrase that bit please?

feeling lonely is hard. why do you think you shouldn't feel lonely?

I missed a bit of the sentence out.sorry.

I'm really tired, but I dont want to go to bed cause im not in the right frame of mind for sleep. Im too tired to be on the computer but its occupying me, if i do nothing, and im too scared to talk to my mate, then I know si is all i'll think about.

At the moment Im trying to hink of ways to make my mate feel better, shes always been so lovely to me that I hate it that this is a problem i feel i cant do anything about.

This is one of the first times Ive ever really thought about why i want to cut, i think its stopping becoming my natural reaction to everything even though i think about it all the time. but because ive been free for so long it makes me scared to go to the people who wouldve helped me before. Dont know if that makes sense.

because ive been free for so long it makes me scared to go to the people who wouldve helped me before.
--not sure if it's the same kinda thing for you... for me... i get to thinking that if i'm not si'ing/on the verge of si'ing... then i must be fine. then i shouldn't ask. etcetc.
yet really... personally i *far* prefer for people to ask for help before/instead of si'ing. i much prefer people to say 'yeah things have been rough lately.... i'd like to talk' than 'i si'ed'

I'm really tired, but I dont want to go to bed cause im not in the right frame of mind for sleep. Im too tired to be on the computer but its occupying me, if i do nothing, and im too scared to talk to my mate, then I know si is all i'll think about.
--what do you think would help most atm?

At the moment Im trying to hink of ways to make my mate feel better, shes always been so lovely to me that I hate it that this is a problem i feel i cant do anything about.
--*nods* it's hard... there's not always things we can do to fix situations. have you told her? ...that you're sorry things are so tough for her atm... that you wish there were something to do... that you appreciate how good she's been to you...? i think sometimes just being there for someone... letting them know that you care... helps.

i think its stopping becoming my natural reaction to everything even though i think about it all the time.
--i think that's Great. i know it's really hard though.
hang in there