bus

Sekh wrote:what were you thinking and feeling?
Vulnerable and wanting to make myself more vulnerable so that I can ask for help.

Since the SI, have you been able to ask directly for this help?

Why did you feel you needed to be more vulnerable before you could ask for help?

Sekh wrote:why did you end up hurting yourself then instead of some other time? was there an event that was the final straw? what was it?
I needed to externalise, i haven't cut with any real feeling to it for about 5 months, all the time I was manic, and the depression has just taken hold and I needed to prove it to myself. I needed to mark the crash to make it real.

Did hurting yourself make your feelings more real or more valid?

Sekh wrote:are you likely to be in that emotional place again? how will you recognize it when you're in that situation?
Yes, the problem is I recognise the disordered thinking but am unwilling to deal with saying no to that part of my mind.

Saying no to part of you can be really hard, but it is a process that takes time. It takes time to learn to combat disordered thoughts. Do you know why you're unwilling to address this now?

How do you feel now about having SIed, especially knowing that it was related to other self-abusive actions?

hi Sekh.

I think that the external safety measures are a good idea for now. I am really sorry that you feel the need to harm yourself though sleep deprivation, food restriction and exposure to cold. Do you think your desire to mark your low points is for external validation or internal validation? Are there ways you can ask for help without making yourself more vulnerable?

Sorry if none of that is helpful. Take care of yourself. And PM me if you need anything.