before
Posted: Wed Oct 26, 2005 1:21 pm
how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself? The situation won't change
what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation? It will make me feel like I have some control, or some say in things. I'm not just letting it drive me crazy. I'm not changing it either tho.
how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way? I want to feel like I'm supposed to be at uni, like the course I'm doing is right for me. SHing won't change that.
if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then? It should maybe last until tomoro, then I guess I'll do this post again and see where it leads.
what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then? I can write down how I'm feeling, maybe poetry. It won't change things, but it'll make me feel less frustrated. It won't last much longer than a day, then I don't know what I'll do.
how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with? I'll feel bad tomoro if I SH, but I'll be frustrated if I don't. Writing would make me feel okay tomoro, but won't take away my frustrations, just word them differently.
what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?I really want to have a good cry! I want to go home and cry. Or go to Dv's and have him look after me (fantasy plan, always good!) I don't want to have to go back to class.
