bus

OK, this is my first post here. Mainly because this is the first time I've been urgy and around a computer at the same time since I joined the forum.

* how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?

It will take away the anger and frustration inside long enough to focus on the work I need to do.

* what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?

It will bring calmness but also guilt, it will take away the frustration and anger at myself for not having done enough work so I can focus on that work.

* how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?

I want to feel like I have achieved something, like I haven't wasted another day. I want to actually get make progress, not to feel so totally incapable. It will get me closer because it will allow me to work but it will also mean I have lost control and therefore failed again which is probably pushing me farther away.

* if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?

About half an hour, by then hopefully I'll be working. I'll have to resist the temptation to then call and stress at my boyfriend but I can't afford to call him and it sn't fair to get stressed at him anyway when he is too far away o do anything about it and he won't understand why if I want to get the work done I don't just work.

* what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?

Do the damn work! Ultimately it will pay off because I'll get somewhere but in the short term will feel like it's just a drop in the ocean and still not achieving anything.

* how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?

If I hurt myself - guilty, worried about hiding it at the gym tommorrow night, maybe still slightly reassured and satisfied (I know it's perverse and I really can't explain it). If I work, maybe pleased that I got stuff done but probably still irritated that I haven't done enough and I wasted time again.

* what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?

Sadly i just don't think it's a self protecting instinct, it's a self hating instinct. What I really want is to SI (keeping that response non-graphic to respect the rules of the board!) but I know ultimately it is better to try to work for a couple more hours. If I'm still urging when I get home I might try my counsellors suggestion of writing myself a letter explaining why I am angry and what I want me to do about it (hey, it works for getting rid of feelings about other people so it's worth a try). [/list]

I too struggle with getting work done.

for the SI side of things: do you feel you need soothing? to feel something?

What other activities could achieve the same thing that you are looking for without being injurious?


for the work side of things:

Have you tried taking a break and coming back to the work?
Do you have a plan of what / when you are going to do different tasks?
Have you broken up the large tasks into smaller ones?
Have you recruited someone else to help you with the work?

These are all things that I have tried with varying amounts of success.
It is important to remember that any work you do is progress.

Take care, and PM me if you ever want to talk.