After

[shadowavenger]

* have you taken care of your physical wounds? if not, go do that now. we'll wait.
done

* what had happened just before?
my friends all went offline and I listened to every song i could bear to

* what were you thinking and feeling?
I can't really remember, it's a bit blurry. I got high and I started feeling really edgy and paranoid and before that I was just numb and feeling like i was sat on the edge of a cliff

* why did you end up hurting yourself then instead of some other time? was there an event that was the final straw? what was it?
I just sensed the opportunity because the house was quiet and everyone was watching tv

* how did the situation get to the final straw stage? trace it back through the events that led up to the last event. look for some point at which you could have made a different decision and not arrived at the final straw.
When I was sat at my computer I could have texted one of my friends and told them I needed to talk, or I could have rung one of the helplines the counselling centre gave me and talked to someone. I didn't do that because I hate talking to strangers and I didn't want to worry my friends, so I waited on my own until I just snapped.

* were there outside factors like drugs, alsohol, being off your meds, lack of sleep, etc? can you address those in the future? how?
I was high, trying to get away from the numb feeling. I'm fighting a couple of addictions as well as SI so hopefully if I can stay off those it will help, because drinking and being high makes me numb to pain (or at least makes the pain a lot less noticeable) so I am more likely to SI.

* what other ways of coping did you try besides self-harm? how well did they work?
I tried listening to music, playing video games, doing a before post on here, talking to one of my friends and talking to my sister. none of them worked.

* in retrospect, are there coping methods that you now realize might have helped? what were they?
I could have texted one of my friends and said I really needed to talk, or I could have written some song lyrics.

* name at least two things you will do to help yourself remember those coping methods if you end up in this situation again.
1) keep notepad open so I can write songs easily
2) keep my phone next to me so I can text people quickly

* how do you feel about the situation that led to self-harm now? is it resolved? if not, what are some steps you might take toward resolution?
it's not resolved and I don't know how to resolve it. I'm waiting to sort out counselling but that will take at least another 2 weeks and my birthday and christmas are coming up which usually make me feel pretty bad.

* are you likely to be in that emotional place again? how will you recognize it when you're in that situation?
I feel totally numb. I will probably be in the same place again tomorrow, like I have been for the past several days.

* what will you try before you resort to self-harm if you're in that situation again? list three specific things you will commit to trying.
1) listen to some happy music rather than sad or emotional stuff
2) text or ring one of my friends
3) write a new song so I can get my feelings out

About Opportunities to SI
Opportunity to Self-Harm seems to be a common theme. Think about why opportunities are important to slips and learn why opportunity is important to you.

* What made that opportunity more appealing than any other?
My mum was asleep so I knew I would not be disturbed.

* Did you make an opportunity or was it there for the taking?
It was there for the taking, though I suppose if I hadn't had a blade in my wallet there would have been no opportunity so it was partly of my making.

* What would you have done if there was no opportunity, how would you have handled your urge?
Got high.

* If there had been no opportunity would your urge to self-harm have increased or decreased?
Increased.

* What consitutes opportunity for you? Being alone? having new tools? waiting for the right feeling?
Mainly being alone, and being in a certain frame of mind. I have to be calm enough to be in control and know I will not be disturbed for at least 15 minutes, preferably half an hour.

* If your opportunties were taken away, how would you feel?
Desperate, and would probably change my rules about when I can SI (e.g. I might decide to SI when other people are in the house, which I would not normally do)

[SaraiStar]

Hi Shadowavenger-- I just wanted to know that I read, and that I am keeping you in my thoughts.

-S