bus

The situation won’t change. I just want to… I don’t know. The relief won’t last and then I’ll have to deal with more scars and more questions. I’ve been fighting urges since yesterday but if I give in now after not having them for a while they might come back quicker next time. I could call a friend. After all I’ve been feeling lonely and that’s one of the reasons for my urges. I know I’ll regret it when I get back to school next week. It’s the weekend and I’ll end up by myself anyway.
I’m lonely and upset. I haven’t SIed in a while. I haven’t even been upset in a while. It started yesterday but it’s been building for a while. My family is starting to notice stuff and a friend thinks I need to tell them and get help. Another friend who SI says since the reason I started has to do with a decision my parents made that’ll only hurt them and I shouldn’t do that. I know that my choices are my choices but I don’t want them to blame themselves. My brothers are too young and won’t understand. I don’t even want to involve them in this. I’ve screwed them up enough. WTF am I gonna do?

si hurts others regardless of the reason behind si.
too though their hurt is *theirs*. emotions are emotions.

I’ve been fighting urges since yesterday but if I give in now after not having them for a while they might come back quicker next time.

*nods* giving in is a pretty good way to make sure the urges come back that little bit quicker & stronger the next time. as difficult as it can be to get through an urge.. it's worth it.

have you tried calling your friend?

My family is starting to notice stuff and a friend thinks I need to tell them and get help.

what do you think about that? both the 'telling them' bit & the 'getting help' bit? would you be willing to do either? or both? what sorts of reactions do you think there'd be?

hang in there

we were supposed to see a movie last night but I got some bad news and was kinda upset. He never called or anything so I didn't call him either and just stayed in.

I've been goin off lately how I've never had a group of friends and I want to be more sociable but it seems, this week especially, I'm withdrawing instead.

As for telling my family, I've decieded it would do more harm than good so I probably won't. If I get help from anywhere... I don't know... I think I'll be okay without it.

we were supposed to see a movie last night but I got some bad news and was kinda upset. He never called or anything so I didn't call him either and just stayed in.
--sounds disappointing sorry

I've been goin off lately how I've never had a group of friends and I want to be more sociable but it seems, this week especially, I'm withdrawing instead.
--*nods* can relate to that cycle it's hard to be more social. it's hard to make friends. especially when you've never really had a set group of friends. it's easy to withdraw instead. like with a lot of other things... being social is hard... & takes practice... i do believe it will get easier. there's no 'quick-fix'.

As for telling my family, I've decieded it would do more harm than good so I probably won't. If I get help from anywhere... I don't know... I think I'll be okay without it.
--*nods* one thing might be to check out 'help' options... just in case. i do think that telling people is kind of a case-by-case deal.

glad you made it through the night

thanks plantt for being there