My first 'after' post...
Posted: Thu Oct 20, 2005 12:34 am
Comments/replies appreciated... I feel very alone right now. Hope you don't mind me asking.
have you taken care of your physical wounds? if not, go do that now. we'll wait.
I don't feel like taking care of them. They aren't too deep and will probably look after themselves anyway.
what had happened just before?
I had gone out with a friend to the pub. Before then had had a bad day - missed my only class and stayed home crying.
what were you thinking and feeling?
I'm not exactly sure - I went into the normal routine I have, on autopilot... had been promising myself all day that I could SI tonight and even though this evening was slightly happier then I did anyway. I felt very numb and detached.
why did you end up hurting yourself then instead of some other time? was there an event that was the final straw? what was it?
I told my uni friend about si. Am going swimming with her tomorrow and I'm scared. So of course I dealt with this by making my si even more obvious
I hate me, there is no logic.
how did the situation get to the final straw stage? trace it back through the events that led up to the last event. look for some point at which you could have made a different decision and not arrived at the final straw.
I could have posted a 'before' before I started cutting. Or I could have sat up in the kitchen for a while. But SI felt inevitable tonight.
were there outside factors like drugs, alsohol, being off your meds, lack of sleep, etc? can you address those in the future? how?
No outside factors really, though I'm wondering if a drug I'm on is making me more depressed. But it's making me lose weight too and I don't want that to stop... I feel stuck.
what other ways of coping did you try besides self-harm? how well did they work?
I talked to my friend a bit, but I've only known her 3 weeks and I didn't want to scare her; and I watched a DVD, but I couldn't concentrate.
in retrospect, are there coping methods that you now realize might have helped? what were they?
I can't think of any, I've booked an appointment with a counsellor here at uni but it's a long way off and I'm struggling meanwhile. Oh - I could have made a scoubidou though. That uses my hands. But i wanted so much to feel something other than sadness and numbness. I don't know anything which helps as well as si
name at least two things you will do to help yourself remember those coping methods if you end up in this situation again.
...
how do you feel about the situation that led to self-harm now? is it resolved? if not, what are some steps you might take toward resolution?
I need to find my tutors and maybe talk to them about how difficult I'm finding the work here... and also tell them about my poor concentration and how it's affecting my work in lectures. maybe that would help.
are you likely to be in that emotional place again? how will you recognize it when you're in that situation?
Yes I am; uni sucks right now. It happens after I've been alone, felt very tearful etc.
what will you try before you resort to self-harm if you're in that situation again? list three specific things you will commit to trying.
I will try making scoubidou, calling an old friend or watching a dvd.
have you taken care of your physical wounds? if not, go do that now. we'll wait.
I don't feel like taking care of them. They aren't too deep and will probably look after themselves anyway.
what had happened just before?
I had gone out with a friend to the pub. Before then had had a bad day - missed my only class and stayed home crying.
what were you thinking and feeling?
I'm not exactly sure - I went into the normal routine I have, on autopilot... had been promising myself all day that I could SI tonight and even though this evening was slightly happier then I did anyway. I felt very numb and detached.
why did you end up hurting yourself then instead of some other time? was there an event that was the final straw? what was it?
I told my uni friend about si. Am going swimming with her tomorrow and I'm scared. So of course I dealt with this by making my si even more obvious
I hate me, there is no logic.how did the situation get to the final straw stage? trace it back through the events that led up to the last event. look for some point at which you could have made a different decision and not arrived at the final straw.
I could have posted a 'before' before I started cutting. Or I could have sat up in the kitchen for a while. But SI felt inevitable tonight.
were there outside factors like drugs, alsohol, being off your meds, lack of sleep, etc? can you address those in the future? how?
No outside factors really, though I'm wondering if a drug I'm on is making me more depressed. But it's making me lose weight too and I don't want that to stop... I feel stuck.
what other ways of coping did you try besides self-harm? how well did they work?
I talked to my friend a bit, but I've only known her 3 weeks and I didn't want to scare her; and I watched a DVD, but I couldn't concentrate.
in retrospect, are there coping methods that you now realize might have helped? what were they?
I can't think of any, I've booked an appointment with a counsellor here at uni but it's a long way off and I'm struggling meanwhile. Oh - I could have made a scoubidou though. That uses my hands. But i wanted so much to feel something other than sadness and numbness. I don't know anything which helps as well as si
name at least two things you will do to help yourself remember those coping methods if you end up in this situation again.
...
how do you feel about the situation that led to self-harm now? is it resolved? if not, what are some steps you might take toward resolution?
I need to find my tutors and maybe talk to them about how difficult I'm finding the work here... and also tell them about my poor concentration and how it's affecting my work in lectures. maybe that would help.
are you likely to be in that emotional place again? how will you recognize it when you're in that situation?
Yes I am; uni sucks right now. It happens after I've been alone, felt very tearful etc.
what will you try before you resort to self-harm if you're in that situation again? list three specific things you will commit to trying.
I will try making scoubidou, calling an old friend or watching a dvd.
