Before
Posted: Sun Oct 09, 2005 3:44 pm
Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
People give me the feeling that they are "betraying" me. My mom blames me for everything bad that is going on in the family right now. My rowing team decided I didn't fit in and they said I couldn't join them for the second year. One of my friends has walked out on me. My therapist is still being an asshole. I am almost at the SU point again. too many things in such a short time.
Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
I have been there before. Not exactly the same situations, but also a heap of things in a too short time. Didn't deal with it. I cut it away. Which made me feel guilty.
What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
I've been posting on BUS, talking to people on the phone, done some puzzles (sudoku), made tea, played with the cat.
I could still try taking a walk outside, but so far nobody will come with me.
How do I feel right now?
I feel hurt and abandoned. (on second thought...perhaps discarded fits the description better)
How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
free. no troubles. relief.
How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
guilty. mad at myself because then I would have even more to hide.
Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
I cant avoid people blaming me or walking out on me/shoving me aside.
And after 21 years of life I still don't know how to deal with it. Even though it happened so many times before
Do I need to hurt myself?
yes and no
I should be able to deal with it - however Im too weak.
still trying not to. I want to beat it.
People give me the feeling that they are "betraying" me. My mom blames me for everything bad that is going on in the family right now. My rowing team decided I didn't fit in and they said I couldn't join them for the second year. One of my friends has walked out on me. My therapist is still being an asshole. I am almost at the SU point again. too many things in such a short time.
Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
I have been there before. Not exactly the same situations, but also a heap of things in a too short time. Didn't deal with it. I cut it away. Which made me feel guilty.
What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
I've been posting on BUS, talking to people on the phone, done some puzzles (sudoku), made tea, played with the cat.
I could still try taking a walk outside, but so far nobody will come with me.
How do I feel right now?
I feel hurt and abandoned. (on second thought...perhaps discarded fits the description better)
How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
free. no troubles. relief.
How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
guilty. mad at myself because then I would have even more to hide.
Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
I cant avoid people blaming me or walking out on me/shoving me aside.
And after 21 years of life I still don't know how to deal with it. Even though it happened so many times before
Do I need to hurt myself?
yes and no
I should be able to deal with it - however Im too weak.
still trying not to. I want to beat it.
