People give me the feeling that they are "betraying" me. My mom blames me for everything bad that is going on in the family right now. My rowing team decided I didn't fit in and they said I couldn't join them for the second year. One of my friends has walked out on me. My therapist is still being an asshole. I am almost at the SU point again. too many things in such a short time.
Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
I have been there before. Not exactly the same situations, but also a heap of things in a too short time. Didn't deal with it. I cut it away. Which made me feel guilty.
What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
I've been posting on BUS, talking to people on the phone, done some puzzles (sudoku), made tea, played with the cat.
I could still try taking a walk outside, but so far nobody will come with me.
How do I feel right now?
I feel hurt and abandoned. (on second thought...perhaps discarded fits the description better)
How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
free. no troubles. relief.
How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
guilty. mad at myself because then I would have even more to hide.
Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
I cant avoid people blaming me or walking out on me/shoving me aside.
And after 21 years of life I still don't know how to deal with it. Even though it happened so many times before
Do I need to hurt myself?
yes and no
I should be able to deal with it - however Im too weak.
still trying not to. I want to beat it.
