bus

how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
If I even have an attempt....My therapist would be deeply hurt, as would a few friends. Mind you, those friends are mostly from here. It's going to make things worse for so many people. And my therapist.....I think of her the most during moments like these.....


what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
It'll bring more hurt and pain. A chance of things not working. A chance of being in the hospital or really screwed up. It will take away me. And the trust my therapist has in me to get in touch with her or someone when I feel the need to attempt to take my life.


how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
I don't want to have more flashbacks of my last attempt and being in the hospital and all that happened. If I get myself or someone takes me to the hospital and that probably won't happen because I won't say anything to anyone here. Hurting myself will get me closer to feeling this way.


if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
Relief could be permanet....Or it could linger in memories if it wouldn't work. I'll probably freak out and go through hellish nightmares. Like with the last attempt.


what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
I could write in my journal. I could get myself out which is in my plans to do in about 40 minutes. I'm going to the grocery. I know what I have to keep myself away from in order to not be triggered even more. It will give me time to get my mind off things. I may go to uni campus too. I've got other coping things I can do.


how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
I feel like shit tomorrow.

what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
I really want to go IP. But I just can't get myself to make the phone calls that need to be made to get me there and I can't take myself there because I just...can't. I want to call my therapist....But again, I can't.

Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
Because I have the means to do it and it's been on my mind for a while.

Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
I attempted or I called someone. I felt better either way.

What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
I've talked to some friends from Bus. I've put away what I was going to hurt myself with. I've planned to get out shortly.

How do I feel right now?
Guilty that I won't allow myself to call my therapist in the morning and have her put me IP and won't call anyone now. I don't want to do it, I really don't but it's an option and I know I could still do it.

How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
Partly guilty, but that I have a control over something that no one has to know about.

How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
Like crap I'm sure.

Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
Yes.

Do I need to hurt myself?
No

You've done the first best thing you could do. You've reched out to SOMEONE and stated how you feel.

well done.

BUS can help you make decision and try to persuade you against hurting yourself, hich is someone youv'e identified as *not* something you have to do. But apart from that, you need to get help from someone IRL who can make decisions or phonecalls when you cant make them yourself.

you wrote:I attempted or I called someone. I felt better either way.

Okay, so you've identified that calling someone has made you feel better in the past. Is there any reason that it can't do it again?

Your therapist seems to be a source of positivity for you. I'd like you to call her. Show her that the trust she has in you to call her instead of hurt her by hurting yourself is a good thing.

you wrote:Because I have the means to do it and it's been on my mind for a while.

Is this really a good reason or a need to hurt yourself? It is possible for hurting yourself to be on your mind and have the means to do it, without it having to be done. Just because you can do it, doesn't mean you have to.

you wrote:I've talked to some friends from Bus. I've put away what I was going to hurt myself with. I've planned to get out shortly.

Can you talk to some friends from BUS now? Or *anyone* at all? Can you ring a helpline? Can you go for a walk somewhere.

you wrote:Like crap I'm sure.

Focus on this. I can see that you're hurting and need some help. Hurting yourself is not going to get you the help that you need, it will get you flashbacks and a dreary time in hospital and nurses who are annoyed because you brought it on yourself. Think about the explanations you'll have to give if you don't succeed. Or, to be morbid, think about the reactions of your friends, your therapist and anyone else if they find out you died and didn't *give them a chance* to help you. Think about explaining to someone you care about why you'd rather die than stay alive with them.

You've identified that it's not going to help you feel better.

What can I do to help you help yourself now?