before

[ChaseThisLight]

Before You Self-Harm

* how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
Let's be honest. It won't change the situation. I'll still be frusterated as hell, but I'll feel a bit less on edge and for a little bit I'll feel relaxed.

* what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
Hurting myself would relax me a little bit and take some of the internal pressure off. But if i hurt myself...it would be a whole new stress because I'd have to tell A...which sucks.

* if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
I think I'd feel better for the rest of the evening. And that's really all I need. But when tomorrow comes I'll feel like shit again. Which is what I'm afraid of. Last time I hadn't SI'd in a long while and I SI'd again...it wasn't good. I went on an SI rampage. bleh.

* what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
Well I'd like to talk to someone IRL...but I don't want to trouble anyone. Plus I am so slow to trust people...there is only a select few I am willing to talk to...and I really don't want to bother them.

* how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
Tomorrow I will feel like crap. I know this. But if I do something else I'll feel like crap too...


More Before Questions To Answer


* Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
I've talked a lot about it in my place. I'm stressed by my living situation, being the on call sober cab constantly. I have a speech to give tomorrow morning and I haven't even begun researching it. I'm frusterated with boy issues and I feel really alone.

* Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
I've been here MANY MANY times before. And I try to ignore it. Or I SI. But ignoring it doesn't make the urge go away...it's still there...just hanging out until I actually SI.

* What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
Well I had some Taco Bell...because I was hungry. And that's about it.

* How do I feel right now?
Pretty shitty. And crabby. And lonely. And sad. And angry. And unfocused.
* How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
A little bit less stressed, and a lot more focused.

* How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
Directly after I'll be focused and I'll get my shit done. Tomorrow I will feel like shit.

* Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
It's hard when you live with your stressor. And I like living here, and I love being a part of this organization. If I actually talked to that boy, I could avoid that stressor too. But it might open a whole other can of worms too. I don't know.
* Do I need to hurt myself?
*sigh* Inside I'm screaming...YES YES I DO I DO. But my more rational me says no...but you want to. I know I'm being stupid and irrational, but I'm tired of being rational. I'm fed up with just repressing things, not dealing with anything. I just want someone IRL to talk to, because frankly when i talk to people on AIM or MSN I feel more lonely.

[plantt]

Let's be honest. It won't change the situation. I'll still be frusterated as hell....... if i hurt myself...it would be a whole new stress because I'd have to tell A...which sucks.
--sound like really good reasons to *not* to me.

I think I'd feel better for the rest of the evening. And that's really all I need.
--what could you do right *now*? other than si... really all you have is *now*. all you have to get through is *now*. read a trashy book. color. do somersaults till you puke. maybe those won't solve the actual problem... they'll get you through the evening though. if you don't like my ideas then come up with your own

Well I'd like to talk to someone IRL...but I don't want to trouble anyone. Plus I am so slow to trust people...there is only a select few I am willing to talk to...and I really don't want to bother them.
--would you be willing to work on that? work towards finding someone... & work at talking with them about the issues you mention?

Tomorrow I will feel like crap. I know this. But if I do something else I'll feel like crap too...
--...that's possible. not everything is a quick-fix deal unfortunately. with or without si... life does have it's crap moments. that's reality. fact of life. so you either deal directly with it... accept it as a part of life just as the happy moments are... or you run from it & try to change it & si.

I'm stressed by my living situation, being the on call sober cab constantly. I have a speech to give tomorrow morning and I haven't even begun researching it. I'm frusterated with boy issues and I feel really alone.
--*nods* what are things you could do about those situations? if it's not something you can/want to change... what could you do in order to have it be less stressful for you?

And I try to ignore it.
--ignore the urge or ignore the situations causing the urge?

I just want someone IRL to talk to
--what about just going somewhere around people if you're not willing to find someone to talk with? or just bother someone. if they're too bothered i'd guess they'd let you know.

[ChaseThisLight]

Thanks plantt! I sucked it up and found someone to talk to. And I'm quite pleased because she said she had hoped I'd be able to talk to her about important things. So I suppose I win then. I'm still feeling the urges, but once I crack down and write my speech, i'll feel better. I really appreciate your thoughts, and I'll keep them in mind. Thank you.

[plantt]

And I'm quite pleased because she said she had hoped I'd be able to talk to her about important things.
--good for you!! i know it's not an easy thing to do!

hope writing the speech goes alright

[NotWhoIUsedToBe]

*sends support Nots*

I don't often come here and so it was nice to see such a familiar name:)

((((Mardy))))