After
Posted: Tue Sep 27, 2005 7:11 am
have you taken care of your physical wounds? if not, go do that now. we'll wait.
Done, this happened five days ago.
what had happened just before?
I had gotten up in the morning, seen my son and my boyfriend off to work, had breakfast and a shower. Like any regular morning. No particular upsets. Got out of the door, but instead of going to work rehab I went to store to get tools.
what were you thinking and feeling?
Was thinking that I ought to be dealing much better with things, that I feel too much and take things harder than I ought to, that many other people live under much worse conditions than I do and they still make it, that my inability to just get a grip proves that I'm not fit to live, su thoughts. Also, was kind of disappointed that staying away from si for a few months hasn't really changed the way I feel about myself.
Was feeling depressed and scared at first. Once I had decided to si, I felt stronger and more dissociated, a weird mix of feeling in control/out of control, like being remote controlled by myself.
why did you end up hurting yourself then instead of some other time? was there an event that was the final straw? what was it?
There wasn't any obvious final straw. It just suddenly seemed like a good time to do it.
how did the situation get to the final straw stage? trace it back through the events that led up to the last event. look for some point at which you could have made a different decision and not arrived at the final straw.
I can see a few stressors in the past couple of weeks, but it's not exactly like a string of events.
I have been feeling emotional and over-sensitive and don't know why.
I had a T session that left me feeling upset (but I was already feeling upset before) and then T cancelled two sessions, which made me dread going back there.
I saw my mother, which I don't do very frequently and tends to unsettle me.
I was reminded in several ways about a bad time in my past.
An old friend called and reminded me about the past in another way.
My boyfriend was very happy about me going 6 months without cutting (yes that somehow upset me)
I went off my med (on a whim, not for any good reason)
I could have not gone to see my mother, but that would have upset me in another way.
Reminders of the past are hard to avoid.
I could have not told my b/f about the 6 months.
I could have told someone more about how I was feeling instead of going off med.
were there outside factors like drugs, alsohol, being off your meds, lack of sleep, etc? can you address those in the future? how?
Didn't sleep much the night before. Went off my medication a few days before. Not sure how to prevent these things. Just making a rule for self that I'm not supposed to mess with meds and sleep isn't enough, because a big motivation behind why I do it is either intended self-punishment, or I get really fed up with taking care of myself and "being good".
what other ways of coping did you try besides self-harm? how well did they work?
Urges had been there strongly for a couple of weeks at least. I feel like I have just been stalling. Made a 'before' post, talked some to boyfriend, stayed away a couple of days from bus to try to not think about si, went to gym or took walks when I felt urgey, various distractions.
That sort of worked for the moment for a while. Not sure how to avoid things building up for a long time until the bubble bursts.
in retrospect, are there coping methods that you now realize might have helped? what were they?
I don't know.
name at least two things you will do to help yourself remember those coping methods if you end up in this situation again.
how do you feel about the situation that led to self-harm now? is it resolved? if not, what are some steps you might take toward resolution?
I think it's resolved for the moment. I'm calmer now. I'm back on my meds and sleeping.
Long-term, it's not resolved. I'm feeling hopeless, I find it hard to imagine that things will ever be different and don't see very clearly what I'm supposed to do (other than stop being such a miserable wimp
)
are you likely to be in that emotional place again? how will you recognize it when you're in that situation?
Yes. I know it when I'm there.
what will you try before you resort to self-harm if you're in that situation again? list three specific things you will commit to trying.
I really don't know right now.
<hr>
About Opportunities to SI
Opportunity to Self-Harm seems to be a common theme. Think about why opportunities are important to slips and learn why opportunity is important to you.
What made that opportunity more appealing than any other?
I don't know. I was home alone, but I am that at other times as well. I think the combination of being in a mindset where I really wanted to si and being alone.
Did you make an opportunity or was it there for the taking?
Both, I think. Some of the mindset was created by going off meds and not sleeping. Being alone happens naturally now and then.
What would you have done if there was no opportunity, how would you have handled your urge?
Waited for another opportunity.
If there had been no opportunity would your urge to self-harm have increased or decreased?
Increased, probably. I can wait for weeks without the urge decreasing.
What consitutes opportunity for you? Being alone? having new tools? waiting for the right feeling?
It's that combination of really wanting to si and being alone for long enough.
If your opportunties were taken away, how would you feel?
Trapped. Completely trapped.
Done, this happened five days ago.
what had happened just before?
I had gotten up in the morning, seen my son and my boyfriend off to work, had breakfast and a shower. Like any regular morning. No particular upsets. Got out of the door, but instead of going to work rehab I went to store to get tools.
what were you thinking and feeling?
Was thinking that I ought to be dealing much better with things, that I feel too much and take things harder than I ought to, that many other people live under much worse conditions than I do and they still make it, that my inability to just get a grip proves that I'm not fit to live, su thoughts. Also, was kind of disappointed that staying away from si for a few months hasn't really changed the way I feel about myself.
Was feeling depressed and scared at first. Once I had decided to si, I felt stronger and more dissociated, a weird mix of feeling in control/out of control, like being remote controlled by myself.
why did you end up hurting yourself then instead of some other time? was there an event that was the final straw? what was it?
There wasn't any obvious final straw. It just suddenly seemed like a good time to do it.
how did the situation get to the final straw stage? trace it back through the events that led up to the last event. look for some point at which you could have made a different decision and not arrived at the final straw.
I can see a few stressors in the past couple of weeks, but it's not exactly like a string of events.
I have been feeling emotional and over-sensitive and don't know why.
I had a T session that left me feeling upset (but I was already feeling upset before) and then T cancelled two sessions, which made me dread going back there.
I saw my mother, which I don't do very frequently and tends to unsettle me.
I was reminded in several ways about a bad time in my past.
An old friend called and reminded me about the past in another way.
My boyfriend was very happy about me going 6 months without cutting (yes that somehow upset me)
I went off my med (on a whim, not for any good reason)
I could have not gone to see my mother, but that would have upset me in another way.
Reminders of the past are hard to avoid.
I could have not told my b/f about the 6 months.
I could have told someone more about how I was feeling instead of going off med.
were there outside factors like drugs, alsohol, being off your meds, lack of sleep, etc? can you address those in the future? how?
Didn't sleep much the night before. Went off my medication a few days before. Not sure how to prevent these things. Just making a rule for self that I'm not supposed to mess with meds and sleep isn't enough, because a big motivation behind why I do it is either intended self-punishment, or I get really fed up with taking care of myself and "being good".
what other ways of coping did you try besides self-harm? how well did they work?
Urges had been there strongly for a couple of weeks at least. I feel like I have just been stalling. Made a 'before' post, talked some to boyfriend, stayed away a couple of days from bus to try to not think about si, went to gym or took walks when I felt urgey, various distractions.
That sort of worked for the moment for a while. Not sure how to avoid things building up for a long time until the bubble bursts.
in retrospect, are there coping methods that you now realize might have helped? what were they?
I don't know.
name at least two things you will do to help yourself remember those coping methods if you end up in this situation again.
how do you feel about the situation that led to self-harm now? is it resolved? if not, what are some steps you might take toward resolution?
I think it's resolved for the moment. I'm calmer now. I'm back on my meds and sleeping.
Long-term, it's not resolved. I'm feeling hopeless, I find it hard to imagine that things will ever be different and don't see very clearly what I'm supposed to do (other than stop being such a miserable wimp
)are you likely to be in that emotional place again? how will you recognize it when you're in that situation?
Yes. I know it when I'm there.
what will you try before you resort to self-harm if you're in that situation again? list three specific things you will commit to trying.
I really don't know right now.
<hr>
About Opportunities to SI
Opportunity to Self-Harm seems to be a common theme. Think about why opportunities are important to slips and learn why opportunity is important to you.
What made that opportunity more appealing than any other?
I don't know. I was home alone, but I am that at other times as well. I think the combination of being in a mindset where I really wanted to si and being alone.
Did you make an opportunity or was it there for the taking?
Both, I think. Some of the mindset was created by going off meds and not sleeping. Being alone happens naturally now and then.
What would you have done if there was no opportunity, how would you have handled your urge?
Waited for another opportunity.
If there had been no opportunity would your urge to self-harm have increased or decreased?
Increased, probably. I can wait for weeks without the urge decreasing.
What consitutes opportunity for you? Being alone? having new tools? waiting for the right feeling?
It's that combination of really wanting to si and being alone for long enough.
If your opportunties were taken away, how would you feel?
Trapped. Completely trapped.
prox.