bus

have you taken care of your physiacl wounds? if not, go do that now. we'll wait.

Yep

what had happened just before?

Nothing in particular, was online talking with people and playing games, trying to keep myself distracted until I felt sleepy so I could go to bed.

what were you thinking and feeling?

That I was so exhausted, and nothing was seeming to continue to work. That I just wanted to feel safe, and to not be having so many emotions on the run at the same time.

why did you end up hurting yourself then instead of some other time? was there an event that was teh final straw? what was it?

I felt safe enough to know when I would need to stop. Up until that point I’ve been scared that I might end up seriously hurt if I gave into si urge.

how did the situation get to the final straw stage? trace it back through the events that led up to the last event. look for some point at which you could have made a different decision and not arrived at the final straw.

I spent time doing all sorts of things I could think of, and was just looking at the fact that my time to take care of me only seems to be running out and I’ve not yet managed to find a safe enough place to be able to take care of only me.

were there outside factors like drugs, alcohol, being off your meds, lack of sleep, etc? can you address those in the future? how?

Maybe lack of sleep, I’ve been really quite tired lately and not sleeping well which leaves me less able to deal with the world in the manner I’d like to. In the future I guess I could take the sleeping pills I have (just hate taking pills is the big thing).

what other ways of coping did you try besides self-harm? how well did they work?

Put together a list in my before post, and they worked for a bit at a time.

in retrospect, are there coping methods that you now realize might have helped? what were they?

Learning to loose the guilt I feel if I don’t do something with or for someone when they ask and I’m feeling out of sorts with myself. Some of the things are just going to take time to learn.

name at least two things you will do to help yourself remember those coping methods if you end up in this situation again.

Going to have to learn them first before I can use them, so will just try the distracting and such until then.

how do you feel about the situation that led to self-harm now? is it resolved? if not, what are some steps you might take toward resolution?

Still feel frustrated, angry, annoyed, confused…all sorts of feelings like that in regards to the situation. I reached out for help, and it fell through, or didn’t fall into place as fast as I was needing it too, or hoping it would. Why when I can’t express myself can the health care workers be helpful, and when I can say clearly what I need they tell me I’m coping well? Not really resolved, steps that I will take are continuing with my T, learning how to recognize and cope with the feelings.

are you likely to be in that emotional place again? how will you recognize it when you're in that situation?

It’s possible, would recognize it by the feelings inside me. I recognize it from having been in this kind of emotional place before and know the feelings associated with it all.

what will you try before you resort to self-harm if you're in that situation again? list three specific things you will commit to trying.

I’ll write an email to my T. I’ll work on getting more sleep as I know lack of sleep makes it harder for me to deal with emotions. Can’t think of a third right now, will probably come to me later.

It sounds like you really know what was going on when you SI'd. I know from my own experiences that it is SO tempting to SI to fall asleep...I haven't SI'd in almost 9 months...and at night it is the time that I want to the most. If you can get yourself into a really good routine, that may help fix some of your sleep problems. I like to read in bed until I am so exhausted I can barely see straight (and when you are reading about population genetics, that doesn't take very long)..