bus

this is not my traditional before post....i'm past the urge. and i'm really not sure if i'm asking other bus'ers this question or mostly thinking by typing. but if you notice something in my ramblings, feel free to point it out.



so, what is it about urges that makes them so overwhelming in the moment. they feel so much like they MUST be acted upon and if not, then panic will ensue, or the world will come to an end, or i'll explode in a ball of uncontrolled anxiety. or my throat will tighten up and i'll stop breathing right in front of my kids.

so what is it about the urge....which i know for me is really a way to squash down the anxiety that makes them so hard to resist?

i'm asking this cuz 1.5-2 hours ago i was completely ready to si. instead i made coffee (not a good choice since it's almost bedtime) and watched a cartoon w/my kids. next thing i know it's later and the urge is past. i feel drained. i didn't si. but i'm drained. exhausted. except for a few minutes when i was whining, and trying my hand at creative writing in my lj to avoid giving in to the urge it hasn't been that bad. but those few minutes were torture. i had to force myself to stay at the computer and not head up to my tools


so how is it that an urge is all-consuming, and giving in seems like a great idea, but w/i 2 hours, i'm feeling ok again. i guess i don't get it.

The way you describe your urges they sound like panic attacks. One of the difficult things about panic attacks is that they set off biological reactions in your body that make the attacks self perpetuating. When your heart starts to race and your breathing gets quicker and shallower it gets harder to convince yourself that it really is just panic and it will eventually cease and things will be ok again. Your body goes into fight or flight mode and reacts as though there really is something to panic about. Perhaps, there is a component of that in your si urges?

they did feel kind of panicky. but not the all consuming panic i've had before. i've had a t say, remember the feelings (panicky ones) will pass. but in the middle of the panic i can't seem to remember that.
*shrug*
maybe i am remembering that cuz i'm not si'ing?
i don't know.

anyway, thanx for replying.