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Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?

Im feeling bad about myself and i want to punish myself for doing badly this year and for messing up a really good opportunity i was given by being at a really good school and not doing enough work and not doing enough extra-curricular stuff and not being able to make a decision.

Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?

I know in the past, feeling bad about myself has been one of the main reasons for my SI, because it makes me feel i want to punish myself and because its so difficult to cope with really strong feelings of self-hatred. But sometimes i know i have to give myself a break and try and think through my feelings.

What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?

Ive sat down and tried to give myself a break and now im filling in this. Afterwards i can make myself something to eat because i havent eaten all day and a hot drink

How do I feel right now?

I feel overwhelmed. I feel sad, I feel a lot of hatred and anger towards myself. I feel like i want to run away from everything.

How will I feel when I am hurting myself?

Relieved, in control.

How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?

Guilty.

Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?

I can deal with it better by not being so hard on myself.

Do I need to hurt myself?

No.

one thing might be to remember that si isn't going to change how school went.

how would si be a punishment? sounds like it's what a part of you *wants* to do & it'd be the easiest way out. doesn't sound much like a punishment...

what could you do with the sadness & anger that you feel besides si?

it's tough when things don't turn out as you'd like them to. & knowing that at least in part it was because of things you did or didn't do... doesn't help any.
sorry things are so hard for you right now. school is difficult.

You're right its important to remind myself that SI wont actually change the situation and a more constructive thing to do would be to try and think of ways i could actually change the situation.

Its a punishment because id have to deal with the scars, the guilt and the pain afterwards, but its not an appropriate punishment, like you said.

My urges are subsiding now because im keeping busy and looking after my mum, who's sick. Thanks for replying it really helped

glad urges are subsiding & you're able to help your mom out while she's sick