Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
sudden, unexplained uneasiness. think i've been reading too many posts that in and of themselves do not warrant a traditional trigger, but nonetheless i feel triggered....i think cuz i don't have a t, and i'm scared, alone (rather ironic), and don't have anyone to talk to.
Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
sort of here b4. i haven't been w/o a t for so long that it feels weird. have done some t hunting now that i've moved but still no t. so idk how i dealt b4. only fired from one t, and i was so switchy and out of it that i don't remember dealing w/it at all (and in reality, it proby wasn't "me" who did).
i do remember the initial panic of being fired. that's kinda what i'm feeling now...chest tight, back muscles getting tight, have to work hard to breathe normally, ears starting to ring, things getting very distant.
What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
i've played in arc being silly. i've lurked in some threads (but that made it worse). i sent someone a pm. i rubbed my kitty's tummy (no, that's not si; he's a weird cat and likes it
). i'd like to work on my afghan i'm crocheting, but still haven't found it since i've moved. it's dark now and i don't want to go outside to the garage (and the spiders) to hunt for it. i want to call a friend and cry, but i don't really ahve many friends and it's after 10p, too late to call most people.How do I feel right now?
sad and lonely (and a little bit hungry)
How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
i'll feel physical pain, then i'll feel nothing.
How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
i'll feel like sh*t. i'll guilt myself out and berate myself and all the reinforcement of swannie's a bad bleepity bleep person that i used to do.
Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
cannot avoid not having a t. must find a t. cannot do anything about it at 10p. can probly deal better in the morning after (hopefully) a decent night's sleep.
Do I need to hurt myself?
i know the "correct" answer is no, but actually, yeah i do.
*sigh* this didn't help this time
