bus

write down the shadow that's hiding behind the urge.
sex
alone
physical illness

look at it. ask yourself:
how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
distraction, break from mantal pain

what will hurting myself bring to the situation?
blood
what will it take away from the situation?
pain panic

how do i want to feel about this in the long run?
less panic
is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
closer
if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
just get me through this morning

what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself?
jerk off, take drugs, kill myself, get drunk
how will it change the situation i'm in?
seconds of distraction, then feel self hate
how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
seconds, then feel hell worse hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell

how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself?
fuck tomorrow fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck
how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
can't see tomorrow


what do i really want to do right now?
cry

how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
can't think
need to think
can't understand what is going on
what is going on?
took my meds
been working hard
been working on self
been trying to understand feelings
fuck
exploring sex issues too hard
sharing feelings too hard
paolst hypaouisrhg

That confusion part can be one of the hardest I think. If you can't focus on tomorrow, can you try to focus on even a short time from now...even just two minutes? ((hugs)) if you want them.

thanks for the hugs and encouragement
feeling better today

Thank you for sharing that your feeling better today.

feel free to pm me if you ever need to talk. it seems we may have some similar issues.

jamie