bus

1. Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
Despite the fact that I've already cut today, I keep thinking about the marks and about how faded they look. It may be because I've spent most of the day out and about; I haven't had the time to be alone and be empty and just... whatever.

2. Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
Certainly. I didn't deal with it; I cut... I felt nervous and exposed, like without the marks people will somehow know what I'm feeling/thinking.

3. What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
I've been writing poetry and that really helps but I'm a little tapped right now. This may sound weird, but I want to just look at the marks I've got and convince myself they're not fading yet. Uhg, I feel really weird! lol

4. How do I feel right now?
I feel jumpy and "itchy"... I also feel like somethings missing in me or that I'm about to explode.

5. How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
Focused... strong, I guess.

6. How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
I will feel a little paranoid but mostly grounded and in control. I'll feel better...

7. Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
I'm not sure... I can't keep myself busy forever.

8. Do I need to hurt myself?
I really feel like I have to... like something terrible will happen if I don't.

What are you afraid will happen if you don't SI?

I felt nervous and exposed, like without the marks people will somehow know what I'm feeling/thinking.

Do you have a safe place to express yourself? It sounds like you feel vulnerable and like you don't have any privacy.

What sorts of coping strategies have you tried? I know it sounds a little absurd, but you could use a red marker to make marks on your skin. I don't know if it would help, but it's worth a shot.

Take care of yourself.

balletomane wrote:Do you have a safe place to express yourself? It sounds like you feel vulnerable and like you don't have any privacy.

I guess I don't have much privacy... I don't really feel safe unless no one is home or it's 4 am, lol. Even then I get paranoid.

What sorts of coping strategies have you tried? I know it sounds a little absurd, but you could use a red marker to make marks on your skin. I don't know if it would help, but it's worth a shot.

I've tried that on skin and paper... it doesn't really help me very much. Most of the time I just don't have the motivation to try anything. I usually just distract myself until I feel safe enough... sometimes that's really difficult though.

Is there anyway you can simulate a safe space? Hide under the covers? build a fort? I even sit in the bathtub...no water required.

I am sorry you are feeling unsafe though.

It's just general paranoia, no worries. lol... I would feel that way, no matter what, I think. I just need to have A) an excuse for being all alone, B) a quick way to hide the "evidence", and C) enough time to steady my nerves before/after. It takes a while and a lot of careful planning, but I'm usually okay... heh...