before
Posted: Sun Jul 24, 2005 2:05 am
how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
Nothing will change, except that the feelings will stop for a bit. I won't feel the emptiness for a while.
what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
It will bring a bit of space from the feelings (which include sadness, emptiness, exhaustion, irritation, disgust, and other mixed up things) and a few minutes of peace. It will add a sense of guilt...It will take away a bit of my ability to resist SI. It will take away the few SI free days that I have right now. It will also take a bit of my hope that I will be able to quit.
how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
I want to feel better...in the short term, SI could do that. In the long term, it can't. I want to be better at handling my feelings and have a way to get through them to more positive emotions. But I don't know if such a way even exists...I know SI is not it. That is a temporary fix, but has bad side effects.
if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
It doesn't...although is some ways it seems like the only option other than just staying the way I am now. And I don't know how long I can do this...but I know I can last a while longer if I try hard enough. I don't know how long the relief from SI would last, but it wouldn't be long enough...because eventually I would regret it and be back in this same situation again and still not have the skills to handle it well.
what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
Nothing changes the situation. The only option I see right now is sleeping for a bit to try to escape from myself (thoughts and feelings...). That won't last for too long, but it might be a minute of rest. After that...I don't know what to do. I have many ways to delay SI...and I have been using them. But the feelings never get resolved, and eventually I get too tired of trying to fight the urges. I don't know what I need to do...
how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
I will feel bad tomorrow, but for a while I will feel better. Then the urges will come back and I will feel guilty. If I sleep...tomorrow, I will feel just like I do now. And spend all day tomorrow dealing with the same feelings and urges...
what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
I want to feel better. But I am not sure there is anything that will get me there...even SI doesn't get me there very long. But it would for a few minutes...Right now I am going to try to distract myself and do what I can to make myself feel better without using SI.
Nothing will change, except that the feelings will stop for a bit. I won't feel the emptiness for a while.
what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
It will bring a bit of space from the feelings (which include sadness, emptiness, exhaustion, irritation, disgust, and other mixed up things) and a few minutes of peace. It will add a sense of guilt...It will take away a bit of my ability to resist SI. It will take away the few SI free days that I have right now. It will also take a bit of my hope that I will be able to quit.
how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
I want to feel better...in the short term, SI could do that. In the long term, it can't. I want to be better at handling my feelings and have a way to get through them to more positive emotions. But I don't know if such a way even exists...I know SI is not it. That is a temporary fix, but has bad side effects.
if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
It doesn't...although is some ways it seems like the only option other than just staying the way I am now. And I don't know how long I can do this...but I know I can last a while longer if I try hard enough. I don't know how long the relief from SI would last, but it wouldn't be long enough...because eventually I would regret it and be back in this same situation again and still not have the skills to handle it well.
what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
Nothing changes the situation. The only option I see right now is sleeping for a bit to try to escape from myself (thoughts and feelings...). That won't last for too long, but it might be a minute of rest. After that...I don't know what to do. I have many ways to delay SI...and I have been using them. But the feelings never get resolved, and eventually I get too tired of trying to fight the urges. I don't know what I need to do...
how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
I will feel bad tomorrow, but for a while I will feel better. Then the urges will come back and I will feel guilty. If I sleep...tomorrow, I will feel just like I do now. And spend all day tomorrow dealing with the same feelings and urges...
what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
I want to feel better. But I am not sure there is anything that will get me there...even SI doesn't get me there very long. But it would for a few minutes...Right now I am going to try to distract myself and do what I can to make myself feel better without using SI.
I need to do that...I wonder what my local library has and if anything would be useful. I can't order anything right now without having it shipped to my parent's house, and that is not such a good idea. They would probably figure out something was wrong if a book showed up...Have to see what I can find.