bus

how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
I'll feel less un-focused...like my hearts not about to burst with all the pressure

what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
It'll bring a kind of calm peace I guess...something better to focus on.
What will it take away...nothing other than the feeling of being pressed in on at all sides


how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
I want to be brave enough to face it and know that I made it through the stuff I sometimes think will crush me...not sure what cutting changes long term

if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
I'll be ok once I've slept until I next leave it this long without cutting...I've done so good...11days - but sometimes it doesnt feel worth that effort. I cried in front of people...I hate that.

what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
my instead is being online...so as long as I try to keep busy...maybe till I'm falling asleep.

how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
When I cut the next day I am ok...I live with it. It makes me think that I might need the self harm for a long time to come - which isn't nice really.
I'll be shattered if I dont sleep much...I've kina played that wild card one time too many recently.


what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
I want to cut. I don't know what I should do but I know what I want to do....

What is going on that makes you feel pressed in from all sides?

Are there thing you can put aside and try to take each piece at a time?


Have you tried writing all the stressors down and break them down into more managable segments?

There's nothing going on that hasn't been there long term.
its just that now I cant filter it.
I've just recently found my birth mum...I guess thats bringing up alot of crap from before...that i thought i'd delt with.

Do you ever feel like thinking about somethings gonna make your head explode...like theres no sence there at all just lots of mess and faces and names and stupid hurt?...thats where i'm at.

I am a thinker and i've always found putting all the messy mush from my brain on to paper has helpped but when i try now theres nothing.

not sounding too possitive am I...not good.
But i'm still here and the world is turning.....yay!

morv

graceless wrote:Do you ever feel like thinking about somethings gonna make your head explode...like theres no sence there at all just lots of mess and faces and names and stupid hurt?...thats where i'm at.

Not me
I NEVER feel like that
All sarcasm aside, I completely relate.
I think I have started to learn it's not stupid hurt.
Hurt is hurt.
Plain and simple
If you hurt then you hurt
There is no rule that says you can only hurt over certain things at certain times.

i've always found putting all the messy mush from my brain on to paper has helpped but when i try now theres nothing

It may not seem like nothign but there is somethign there.
Try to just let go.
Don't think about ehat you are writing and just let it flow.
I have found that typping works better than actually writing on paper.
My figers just go and before I know it there is stuff there that I didn't even realize was there.


Finding your birth mom must cause a whole lot of stress and confusion.
Did you seek her out or did you just happen to find her?
Are there things you want to say to her that might help elleviate some of the jumbled mess in your head?
Have you tried writing those things down?