bus

Gotta be quick, but I'm trying to keep myself busy!!

write down the shadow that's hiding behind the urge.
I hate myself!

look at it. ask yourself:

how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself? It won't - in fact I'll hate myself more!


what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
It'll bring relief from the feelings of hate - the pain will be outside!

It'll take away my pride in myself that I'm trying to conquer this!


how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
I want to feel better; stronger; more in control; I want to like myself more; I want this ache to go!

Hurting myself will get me farther away........... but I'd have that wound to look after.... to nurture..... to 'baby'..... the wound will deserve attention, whereas I don't....

if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
the relief will last while I'm doing it.... want to cry, and hate myself again!

what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself?
Type here!
Get a drink!!

how will it change the situation i'm in?It'll stop me hurting myself!

how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
it'll get me through cooking tea - it's cooking now - this is my danger time, as I tend to burn myself as my si.... particularly on the cooker when I'm cooking tea.........

how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself?
Disappointed!

how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with? Pleased, relieved, actually a bit proud!

what do i really want to do right now?
Go to sleep!

how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
self-protective..... I want to protect myself from hurting myself........ but oh God... I want to hurt myself, just for that burst of feeling in control..... that sense of defiance.... that peace and satisfaction!!

But I came here.... I typed here.... I think I can do this!!

Had one gin.... going to get another!

At the beginning of the week, I decided to try and stop si'ing; try and lose weight (not ED - just overweight!); and try and cut down on the booze.............

it's too much pressure.... sod it, I'm going to get another drink!!

I am sorry this reply is so late...I hope you were able to hold on and get through that. But I did have a comment about something I read, and maybe it will help for next time.

Hurting myself will get me farther away........... but I'd have that wound to look after.... to nurture..... to 'baby'..... the wound will deserve attention, whereas I don't....

I can understand this feeling...but I wonder if it would help to give yourself the attention without the pain. I know you don't feel you deserve it at the time...but what if you were able to nurture yourself without a wound? Maybe even going as far as treating a wound that isn't there...cleaning it, putting medicine on it, and bandaging it. And then doing something nice for yourself. Do you think you were really longing for the pain or the reason to nurture yourself? I know this can be hard to untangle...but keep trying.

what do i really want to do right now?
Go to sleep!

What kept you from trying this? I know it isn't always possible, but sometimes sleep can really help. It can at least give you some distance from the situation or triggers.
I am proud of you for trying so hard to stop. I know it is a challenge. Keep working at it!

I've not been able to get on the computer for a few days, but thanks for replying!

Yes I did get through the urges - I'm still si free (not quite sure how though!!!! ).

Thanks for the advice I really appreciate it!!