Didn't make it...so "after"
Posted: Wed Jun 22, 2005 9:39 pm
have you taken care of your physiacl wounds? if not, go do that now. we'll wait.
Yes but still bleeding.
what had happened just before?
Been building up all day with a huge sense of inevitability about it. Just got ready to go to bed then foudn I coudln't walk through the door. So stood with my head on the door post for a while. Then it was as if I was in a dream. Got out my first aid stuff to sort through, then got ****** and held it against my skin. Didn't huirt so pressed harder. i didn't intend to cut at first but it didn't help so I did and on and on and on. Badly for me.
what were you thinking and feeling?
Need to hurt, need to see blood, need to get this over with then i can get back to my normal life.
why did you end up hurting yourself then instead of some other time? was there an event that was teh final straw? what was it?
No event whcih was the final straw. This has been buiding up for ages. I've had it in my had all day, wanting to, almost to the distraction fo everything else. Hard to teach when your head is si-ing for you. I jsut want to get my head space back.
how did the situation get to the final straw stage? trace it back through the events thatled up to the last event. look for some point at which you could have made a different decisiona nd not arrived at the final straw.
I don't know really . Lots of factors, some i've detiled in the other post. Mainly feeling worthless and stupid and bubbleish again. Everything seems a step removed at the moment.
were there outside factors like drugs, alsohol, being off your meds, lack of sleep, etc? can you address those in the future? how?
No. although I am tired with school and universtiy work as well.
what other ways of coping did you try besides self-harm? how well did they work?
I've played the waiting game, I've read a book, I've distracted myelf, i've kept busy, I've stayed late at work and got there early in teh morning, I've tried to sleep. They all work well for a while but it always creeps up on me to the end result. i don't knwo how to get past this.
in retrospect, are there coping methods that you now realize might have helped? what were they?
This soudns really negative but I'm really not sure. i think talking to someone irl might have helped a lot but I don't have anyone. I don't feel I can tell anyone - that's why i come here - and it's too much for htem to handle or by telling them I am jsut attention seeking.
name at least two things you will do to help yourself remember those coping methods if you end up in this situation again.
I need to try to find an irl buddy but I feel my friendships are precarious enough without an extra stress. I'll have to think about that one.
I'll try the red pen on my arm.
how do you feel about the situation that led to self-harm now? is it resolved? if not, what are some steps you might take toward resolution?
No, it's not resolved but I do feel much calmer and more able to be rational and to thinkn things through. My brain has got some space in it again and I have some energy that I was spedning on trying not ot si to think about why it all built up oin the first place.
are you likely to be in that emotional place again? how will you recognize it when you're in that situation?
Yes, this is a recurring pattern, although it is usually months between episodes it's been very quick this time. I know when it's building up.
what will you try before you resort to self-harm if you're in that situation again? list three specific things you will commit to trying.
1) The half hour game
2) Red pen
3) Try to find someone to phone or talk to irl.
Jane
Yes but still bleeding.
what had happened just before?
Been building up all day with a huge sense of inevitability about it. Just got ready to go to bed then foudn I coudln't walk through the door. So stood with my head on the door post for a while. Then it was as if I was in a dream. Got out my first aid stuff to sort through, then got ****** and held it against my skin. Didn't huirt so pressed harder. i didn't intend to cut at first but it didn't help so I did and on and on and on. Badly for me.
what were you thinking and feeling?
Need to hurt, need to see blood, need to get this over with then i can get back to my normal life.
why did you end up hurting yourself then instead of some other time? was there an event that was teh final straw? what was it?
No event whcih was the final straw. This has been buiding up for ages. I've had it in my had all day, wanting to, almost to the distraction fo everything else. Hard to teach when your head is si-ing for you. I jsut want to get my head space back.
how did the situation get to the final straw stage? trace it back through the events thatled up to the last event. look for some point at which you could have made a different decisiona nd not arrived at the final straw.
I don't know really . Lots of factors, some i've detiled in the other post. Mainly feeling worthless and stupid and bubbleish again. Everything seems a step removed at the moment.
were there outside factors like drugs, alsohol, being off your meds, lack of sleep, etc? can you address those in the future? how?
No. although I am tired with school and universtiy work as well.
what other ways of coping did you try besides self-harm? how well did they work?
I've played the waiting game, I've read a book, I've distracted myelf, i've kept busy, I've stayed late at work and got there early in teh morning, I've tried to sleep. They all work well for a while but it always creeps up on me to the end result. i don't knwo how to get past this.
in retrospect, are there coping methods that you now realize might have helped? what were they?
This soudns really negative but I'm really not sure. i think talking to someone irl might have helped a lot but I don't have anyone. I don't feel I can tell anyone - that's why i come here - and it's too much for htem to handle or by telling them I am jsut attention seeking.
name at least two things you will do to help yourself remember those coping methods if you end up in this situation again.
I need to try to find an irl buddy but I feel my friendships are precarious enough without an extra stress. I'll have to think about that one.
I'll try the red pen on my arm.
how do you feel about the situation that led to self-harm now? is it resolved? if not, what are some steps you might take toward resolution?
No, it's not resolved but I do feel much calmer and more able to be rational and to thinkn things through. My brain has got some space in it again and I have some energy that I was spedning on trying not ot si to think about why it all built up oin the first place.
are you likely to be in that emotional place again? how will you recognize it when you're in that situation?
Yes, this is a recurring pattern, although it is usually months between episodes it's been very quick this time. I know when it's building up.
what will you try before you resort to self-harm if you're in that situation again? list three specific things you will commit to trying.
1) The half hour game
2) Red pen
3) Try to find someone to phone or talk to irl.
Jane