bus

*********************LA TRIGGS, No SI trigg******************
******************LA TRIGGS********************







whore
whore
whore

why did they choose that word? It seems almost dilberate, though I know it is not.

Whore
whore
Whore

It bugs me so much, everytime someone says it I think "Omg they know," Liz knows my secret, what if she told them? What if they laugh about it? I could stand anything, I could stand them laughing about my looks, or my style, anything but my past. Anything but what liz knows that I did. I think about her telling them, because she wants them to be her friend. Them laughing, finding it so funny. Everyone laughing, it's not so much that they laugh or what they think it's what they know.

Whore.

Can someone please take this away?
Im so sorry.
im so sorry...........

It sucks how bad words hurt. People say them off the cuff and pay no mind to it..but they truly do sting. And it's hard not to be paranoid when you feel the whole world knows your secret and are laughing about it behind your bad. But I can pretty much assure you they don't know. But that doesn't make matters any different. I hope you are taking care of yourself, and that things get better.

notmardy

Thank you so much for responding andf i have made it through. Yeah I don't think that they know but it is true that sometimes it's hard not to be paranoid.

what if she told them? What if they laugh about it?
--what if? what would make them knowing/laughing about your past 'worse' than them laughing about other aspects of your life? how could you potentially deal with it if it *did* happen?

do you have a therapist? have they mentioned desensitization/exposure?

i can relate... to not minding being laughed at or joked about or etcetc... yet minding very much at times... when certain things are joked about. it's tough.
reality is though that the world doesn't know... & it's very possible even probable that we will run into things that hurt at times.
it's a matter of learning to deal with it.
it hurts. there's no doubt about it. it's possible to get through. it's possible to get some things to not hurt so intensely.

i'm really glad that you made it through

Yeah I think if I can deal with it and become okay with myself then it won't hurt me. And I should say so what if they laugh. It is not something to laugh about. That is mean. i shouldn't care so much what they think when I'm not even friends with them, when I dont even see them most of the time.

I do have a T but what is desensitization/exposure?

i'd not say to say 'so what' if they laugh... people can do very hurtful things. & say very hurtful things. & it's ok to be upset by those. i think the hard bit is to say 'ouch. that hurt. a lot.' yet also keep from letting that spiral into a huge crisis & act on urges or etc.

it's a way of dealing with things over & over & over... until they're not such huge issues.
eg. if you were afraid of Bean then i could show you pictures of Bean... & then keep Bean in his carrier, keep it far away but so that you could see him... then move the carrier closer... then you could touch him... etc.
more to it than that but that's the gist of it