Tempted to "slip"

tools to help you assess your urges before you give in to them, and to help you understand and learn from slips after they happen. by posting here, you're saying that you are serious about exploring the feelings behind your self-harm in depth, whether you're ready to stop hurting yourself or not. to request posting access, click usergroups above and join before and after.

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marylou
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Tempted to "slip"

Post by marylou » Sat Jun 11, 2005 5:44 pm

Finding I've been really strong in resisting SH (it's about 125days free now), but this week has been hard. Been having a recurring thought about SHing on my neck. I know I don't want to and that I won't do it, but the continual thought is distressing.
Considering SHing on my leg or something instead, to get me through this neck thing.
Like I wouldn't be *starting* SH again, but just allowing myself this one time to help with the more dangerous urge.

I guess it sounds kinda stupid, but that's where I'm at and I don't know what to do. I'm moving house tomoro so all my emergency box stuff is packed up!
This is hard.
"You loosen my chains and just ask me to trust you. But it's so much easier this way, even though I know that I am bound."

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NobodyToYou
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Post by NobodyToYou » Sat Jun 11, 2005 5:52 pm

It does sound hard...
What have you tried so far to get through this urge?
How are you going to feel tomorrow if you slip? How will you feel if you don't?
Have you ever had these intrusive thoughts of SI before, and if so, how did you deal with them? Did you ever get through without SI?
You have made it for so long, I don't really think any advice I could give would be helpful. But I wanted to offer my support. You can get through this...but I know it is hard. How can I help?

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marylou
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Post by marylou » Sat Jun 11, 2005 5:56 pm

**trigs, of course**








Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point? Keep having recurring thought about cutting my neck open.


Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then? Yes. I ignored it. It never went away.


What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me? Posted on BUS, got my friends at church to pray with/for me.
Go make some pasta. Sleep. Pack the rest of my stuff for moving house...

How do I feel right now? Sick. Tired. Restless. Supported. Tempted.


How will I feel when I am hurting myself? Better. Worse. Relieved. Alone.


How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
Horrible. Guilty. Relieved. Distracted by having SHed, instead of distracted by wanting to SH.


Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future? I don't know how to stop the thoughts that invade my mind.


Do I need to hurt myself?
Not yet.
"You loosen my chains and just ask me to trust you. But it's so much easier this way, even though I know that I am bound."

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