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Before..... and After

Posted: Sat Jun 04, 2005 11:39 pm
by scarlit_sky
:star: Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
My mom is pushing every button she knows how to push.

:star: Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
Yes, I have been here before. I dealt with it by hurting myself. I felt like I gave in too soon.

:star: What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
Journalled, I don't know what else I can do.

:star: How do I feel right now?
I feel angry and upset and frustrated because she always does this.

:star: How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
I will feel better when I am hurting myself.

:star: How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
I will feel like I gave up or gave in.

:star: Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
Can't avoid the stressor, but could deal with it by not letting it get to me.

:star: Do I need to hurt myself?
no, but I really want to.


Emily

Posted: Sat Jun 04, 2005 11:42 pm
by balletomane
is there any way you can talk to your mother? or try to deal with whatever caused the tension in the first place? alternately, what other distractions can you use? have you ever been able to resist in the past? what worked for you then?

Posted: Sun Jun 05, 2005 12:00 am
by scarlit_sky
I don't know any other coping mechanisms that work for me. And if I talk to my mom she will say I am pulling a guilt trip on her. Does that make sense?


Emily

Posted: Sun Jun 05, 2005 12:12 am
by balletomane
i see. sorry that your mom is being difficult. have you tried talking to her at a time when she isn't upset?

maybe this is a time to experiment with other, non-harmful coping strategies. Did the journalling help? do you feel like you need distraction or an outlet for your emotions?

these questions might be a bit triggering:

have you thought about what SI accomplishes for you? does it interrupt emotional pain? does it help you release frustration? maybe if you can identify what it is about SI that gives you some relief, you can find alternatives that are safe. For instance, sometimes i workout intensely to release excess energy and frustration.

have you looked at the coping forum for distractions/alternatives? there are some really good suggestions there.

Posted: Sun Jun 05, 2005 2:25 am
by scarlit_sky
:star: have you thought about what SI accomplishes for you?
SI helps me get through tough times.

:star: does it interrupt emotional pain?
Yes.

:star: does it help you release frustration?
Yes.

Posted: Sun Jun 05, 2005 2:38 am
by balletomane
So what sorts of safe things could hypothetically yield the same result?
What other ways can you release your frustration? What other activities would give you a temporary reprieve from your emotional pain?

Posted: Sun Jun 05, 2005 2:45 am
by scarlit_sky
:star: have you taken care of your physiacl wounds? if not, go do that now. we'll wait.
yes, i have

:star: what had happened just before?
my mom said that i wasn't trying to get better.

:star: what were you thinking and feeling?
I was thinking..... I dunno
I was feeling angry, frustrated, and upset.

:star: why did you end up hurting yourself then instead of some other time? was there an event that was teh final straw? what was it?
My mom broke a bottle of vanilla and yelled at me when i didn't want to clean it up.

:star: how did the situation get to the final straw stage? trace it back through the events thatled up to the last event. look for some point at which you could have made a different decisiona nd not arrived at the final straw.
I don't know.

:star: were there outside factors like drugs, alsohol, being off your meds, lack of sleep, etc? can you address those in the future? how?
No.

:star: what other ways of coping did you try besides self-harm? how well did they work?
I tried smoking, walking to get the mail, and journalling. They didn't work very well, obviously.

:star: in retrospect, are there coping methods that you now realize might have helped? what were they?
throwing a all around the backyard, giong for a longer walk

:star: name at least two things you will do to help yourself remember those coping methods if you end up in this situation again.
write them down in my journal and ?

:star: how do you feel about the situation that led to self-harm now? is it resolved? if not, what are some steps you might take toward resolution?
It is as resolved as it is giong to be.

:star: are you likely to be in that emotional place again? how will you recognize it when you're in that situation?
Yes, I keep track of how bad I want to hurt myself and how suicidal I am, so when the numbers get high again.....

:star: what will you try before you resort to self-harm if you're in that situation again? list three specific things you will commit to trying.
throwing a ball against the wall
go on BUS and post (I don't normally post much)
go to a chatroom


Emily

Posted: Sun Jun 05, 2005 2:50 am
by balletomane
my mom said that i wasn't trying to get better.
I know how much it hurts to hear that, especially when it is not true.

throwing a ball against the wall
go on BUS and post (I don't normally post much)
go to a chatroom
These all sound like good ideas.

Sorry if I haven't been very helpful. Take care of yourself. I hope things start getting better.

Posted: Sun Jun 05, 2005 8:02 pm
by scarlit_sky
Thanks for all the replies, balletomane. I really appreciate them.

:star: What other ways can you release your frustration?
crying would help, but I don't cry much. Physical activity would also help.

:star: What other activities would give you a temporary reprieve from your emotional pain?
Journalling is the main one, but I draw some and like to read.


Emily