before... updated with after
Posted: Wed Jun 01, 2005 6:30 am
how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
the situation won't change, but I can stop focusing on it and beating myself up over it for a little while, I want my brain back, even if it is just for a little while
what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
It will bring more guilt and angers towards myself in the long run, but for short term it will give me some peace, for lack of a better word. It will take the urge out of the stuation for a while, so I guess it will also make for one less thing to think about.
how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
I want to feel good in knowing that I solved my problems, or made them smaller. I want to feel like I really can be independent, rather than just trying to act like it because it has been forced on me. Cutting will make me further away from that because it will add to my problems, it will give me one more thing to beat up on myself for, one more reason to tear myself down.
if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
The relief will probably last an hour tops, but usually it can help me fight the urges for a few days. After that I will either give in again, get rid of my tools again, get high, or get drunk. One of those is a good option, but not a long term fix for me.
what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
I could try to read, but no matter I read the urges are there. It could buy me some time though. I could also try to sleep, that has been making me really frustrated lately because I always think before I fall asleep and the nightmares and insomnia are back. I am not sure I can lay still long enough to sleep either, I feel like I have to keep moving.
how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
I will feel guilty tomorrow if I hurt myself, and I will feel urgey tomorrow if I don't. Doing the other things won't make my problems smaller or go away, it is a way to buy time to a solution, but the urges won't go away until I act on them or find one.
what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
I really want to cut, but other than that I really want to run and cry to my friend, tell her everything that is inside me and how empty and alone I feel. To stop trying to hide and joke, and pretending everything is okay. The best way to honor my self protect instince would probably be to write down everythiing I feel, try to organize what is in my head. If I could do that I would probably get more clarity than I would with SI.[/i]
the situation won't change, but I can stop focusing on it and beating myself up over it for a little while, I want my brain back, even if it is just for a little while
what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
It will bring more guilt and angers towards myself in the long run, but for short term it will give me some peace, for lack of a better word. It will take the urge out of the stuation for a while, so I guess it will also make for one less thing to think about.
how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
I want to feel good in knowing that I solved my problems, or made them smaller. I want to feel like I really can be independent, rather than just trying to act like it because it has been forced on me. Cutting will make me further away from that because it will add to my problems, it will give me one more thing to beat up on myself for, one more reason to tear myself down.
if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
The relief will probably last an hour tops, but usually it can help me fight the urges for a few days. After that I will either give in again, get rid of my tools again, get high, or get drunk. One of those is a good option, but not a long term fix for me.
what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
I could try to read, but no matter I read the urges are there. It could buy me some time though. I could also try to sleep, that has been making me really frustrated lately because I always think before I fall asleep and the nightmares and insomnia are back. I am not sure I can lay still long enough to sleep either, I feel like I have to keep moving.
how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
I will feel guilty tomorrow if I hurt myself, and I will feel urgey tomorrow if I don't. Doing the other things won't make my problems smaller or go away, it is a way to buy time to a solution, but the urges won't go away until I act on them or find one.
what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
I really want to cut, but other than that I really want to run and cry to my friend, tell her everything that is inside me and how empty and alone I feel. To stop trying to hide and joke, and pretending everything is okay. The best way to honor my self protect instince would probably be to write down everythiing I feel, try to organize what is in my head. If I could do that I would probably get more clarity than I would with SI.[/i]