before
Posted: Mon May 23, 2005 12:10 am
Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
i've been triggery for a few days now..anxiety and stuff. but i just found out that the last friend i trusted has turned on me too.
Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
i haven't felt this angry in awhile..at least not when i'm triggered, but the anxiety part...it's the same. drugs fixed it sometimes..but i just felt shittier. i'm not triggered to use though, only to cut. last time i just got too tired to even bother, so i went to bed instead. i'm not tired today.
What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
i haven't done much, i just need to let it out. i don't know how else to do it...i don't want to do it any other way. i haven't SI'ed yet because i dont have blades with me...i want MY blades. maybe i can go home in a few hours...wonder if it will have passed then.
How do I feel right now?
angry, anxious, i can feel the energy flowing through me. i'm about to lose it, i need a way to let go of things..to get it out. i need to hurt and bleed but mostly just hurt.
How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
upset, maybe calmer. i'll probably cry, i need to cry though. might go numb if i'm lucky.
How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
i'll feel a lot more relieved and relaxed afterwards. i hope i don't have a doc appt tomorrow, i usually have them on mondays. if i do i'll cancel it so i don't have to show him my arms. tomorrow i'll be sore, but not sorry. less triggery than i have been the past few days
Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
i don't know how to avoid it. i can probably deal with it better...like calling my T or a friend to talk about it...or find some distractions...but i don't think i want to avoid it this time.
Do I need to hurt myself?
i absolutely feel i need to. i need to let this out somehow and it's the best way. and i just want to hurt. i want to bleeeeeeeeed. omg i'm going crazy, i'm getting panicky. great. nothing ever goes right.
i've been triggery for a few days now..anxiety and stuff. but i just found out that the last friend i trusted has turned on me too.
Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
i haven't felt this angry in awhile..at least not when i'm triggered, but the anxiety part...it's the same. drugs fixed it sometimes..but i just felt shittier. i'm not triggered to use though, only to cut. last time i just got too tired to even bother, so i went to bed instead. i'm not tired today.
What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
i haven't done much, i just need to let it out. i don't know how else to do it...i don't want to do it any other way. i haven't SI'ed yet because i dont have blades with me...i want MY blades. maybe i can go home in a few hours...wonder if it will have passed then.
How do I feel right now?
angry, anxious, i can feel the energy flowing through me. i'm about to lose it, i need a way to let go of things..to get it out. i need to hurt and bleed but mostly just hurt.
How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
upset, maybe calmer. i'll probably cry, i need to cry though. might go numb if i'm lucky.
How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
i'll feel a lot more relieved and relaxed afterwards. i hope i don't have a doc appt tomorrow, i usually have them on mondays. if i do i'll cancel it so i don't have to show him my arms. tomorrow i'll be sore, but not sorry. less triggery than i have been the past few days
Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
i don't know how to avoid it. i can probably deal with it better...like calling my T or a friend to talk about it...or find some distractions...but i don't think i want to avoid it this time.
Do I need to hurt myself?
i absolutely feel i need to. i need to let this out somehow and it's the best way. and i just want to hurt. i want to bleeeeeeeeed. omg i'm going crazy, i'm getting panicky. great. nothing ever goes right.